At my grandfather’s funeral my step-grandmother’s grandson (who I had a crush on as a kid) asked me to hookup and I really wanted to even though I was in a serious relationship. Now that I know my husband’s preferences, I regret not hooking up.

My first was 18 hours and my second was 9 hours. I would take the 18 hour over the 9 hour if I could choose, though the pushing the second time was much nicer but that’s just because I knew what to do.

I’m not defending the person who complained or the train for handling things poorly, I wasn’t there but it feels like there’s a chance somebody was racially motivated.

“No, I have never seen them. I am more into permanent. [laughs]”

As a kid in a conservative right wing world with guns o’ plent, it was always shocking to my brother/dad/cousins that I could out shoot them all. Well, until the navy seal in our church saw me shoot and said “of course she’s better than the boys, women’s are always better at shooting!” and then they stopped letting me…

As a women with a ripped up vagina.... Fuck you.

2 hours of pushing my first while he was stuck in the driveway of my business district and then being told “his heart rate is dropping he needs to come out NOW!” as I pushed non-stop for the last 5 minutes.

I just cried over the Kelly thing, it’s so great that a giant room of people are cheering for her! Everyone should get that when they announce a pregnancy.

I know that guy, he charges $100 an hour but only listens for 45 minutes.

I’m super married and don’t have an engagement ring and I don’t wear my wedding ring. I cared about appearances of not wearing one when I was younger but now revel in the joy of never having swamp finger under the ring when I wash my hands, which I do about a million times a day as a mom with two filthy kids.

Excuse me Tracy, but you don’t know everything about everything.

After I had my first child the 90 year old Nona of my Auntie-in-law said the following

#blessedbathingsuit #basicbitches #futurewinemom #blondeshavemorefun #hashtag #yolo #dotheystillsaythat #omgmakeitstop #ugh

I recently went home to the Midwest and was 100% expecting my mom to be on Team Trump but instead she called him “a clown in a bad rug” and said she’s sick of all the idiots fighting about pointless stuff so she’s not voting and is going to live out her retirement thinking about her grandchildren instead of…

He was! But that’s not usually a story point since he’s always drunk at family functions.

Omg everyone. My father in law came to our cook out yesterday and straight up argued for what an awesome president Trump would be and then told me I was inhuman for not being on board with perpetual occupation of every “unruly” country in the world. It took me an hour to realize he was being serious and it wasn’t…

Growing up my dad was a baptist minister and if the bible was in a leather case then the outside pocket had a .38 or a .45 in it and the extra bullets were in a leather bag inside. We had at least 4 of “god’s hammers” in the house at all times.

Our youngest calls his a Bully but it sounds more like “buhwee”. He’s 2ish and I’ve decided that having Type 1 is enough to deal with as a toddler, he can keep the bully until he loses it or bites holes in it like his brother did with his dummies.

This just makes me more upset that the husband tricked his wife into the initial pregnancy test. Its not his body, he has no right to determine the status of her uterus without prior and informed consent, he has even less right to make a video and post it on YouTube. Maybe they were both in on it becayse assuming that…

Seriously, it’s impossible to win as a parent.