Every headline relating to Trump is like reading an Onion headline out of context. You do a double take, read it again, and then you realize it’s a joke.

Except it’s not, and then you just scream internally forever.

Hey, I mean, I’m pretty sure Trump doesn’t believe in paying anyone. At least it’s a mutual disregard.

She probably has the same problem most of us have when we gaze upon a pumpkin that 10 people have shat in.

You can also listen to these on Google Play.

Slightly off-topic: IS anybody other than me finding it a little creepy that his daughter Ivanka, seems to be preparing to fulfill the FLOTUS role? It seems that Melania has little or no interest in being FLOTUS. In fact, her attitude this entire time has been more along the lines of “I did not sign up for this.”

I just feel actively bad all the time

Maybe.

In case anyone out there was confused about how the voting/enfranchisement system was rigged, here it is. Jill Stein filed for a recount. She paid the required fees. And now, suddenly, she is not “aggrieved” enough to demand a recount. Any registered voter should be entitled to demand a recount if they can pay the…

If Carpool Karaoke is meant to make you feel like you are driving around having a blast with a celebrity best friend, then this should be used as an instructional video to teach celebrities how not to do it. This is what it feels like when your aging party girl aunt is up on her annual visit from Vegas, and she asks…

Madonna is the once cool aunt who used to buy you beer while you were underage but now tries to twerk at the Thanksgiving table.

I wish these old men would just die off already. FFS they all look like Senator Palpatine’s last dying breath before the dark side takes over.

This? This? This is when a man finally decides to believe in rape? Not when we tell him, not when we press charges or testify or are emotionally broken. No, only when it’s actually a made up fucking excuse to justify murder. Seriously men, sometimes it boggles me that any women are straight, overall, you aren’t…

Our education system is trash because of the GOP. That’s basically what it boils down to—there has been a severe lack of focus on developing critical thinking skills and understanding the difference between reliable and unreliable sources. You learn these things in college but of course those most prone (most, not…

dead to me: anyfamily member who voted for him. take your christmas and shove it up your ass. legos dont make up for what you did to your grandson.

Fuck that.

I believe that love IS the answer ... but not the kind of passive, feel-good, saccharine platitudes and symbolic kind deeds that Van Jones seems to be talking about. The kind of love that we need is challenging and revolutionary and ACTIVE, and it isn’t the same thing as simple niceness.

One of these days, I’m going to adopt a ginger myself. Until then, I have these two awesome jerks to keep me company:

She doesn’t look at all like a cat, actually.

How about Mark Burnett stages the inauguration as a mashup of his programs? Trump is dropped into an actual shark tank that’s on a desert island and he screams until his voice is gone and we see if he’s a survivor.

Baseball is the only sport that actually looks like America.