Eventually, robot-displaced workers will adapt by boning up on their bow hunting. A big heifer like Chris Christie could feed a family of 4 for weeks, if salted and cured properly.

In the unlikely event that Trump wanted to impress me, he’d go talk to a black church.

If they were trying to make Deadspin the new Gawker, it would be articles expressing disgust over Anthony Weiner’s dick pics, with Anthony Weiner’s dick pics displayed above the headline. Count your blessings that Deadspin received the quality writers.

Articles like the above affirm my belief that Nolan was better than Gawker deserved. Smart commentary was always out of place there. If Gawker was still in operation, they’d be running Anthony Weiner’s dick pics while complaining about Anthony Weiner’s dick pics, without a hint of irony.

For a family member of mine who’s a kleptomaniac, it’s the high of feeling like you’re getting away with something.

I haven’t seent his yet, but from watching the trailers, I assumed that the scenes of beureaucrats chatting within the safety of their conference rooms while a walking Fukushima meltdown runs amok would be an essential part of the movie’s social commentary.

It’s stories like these that make me feel like we’ve answered the Fermi Paradox. An evolutionary process that depends on competitive self-interest can’t produce a species that can overcome its own greed and stupidity long enough to get to the stars before it makes its own home planet uninhabitable.

Aren’t Friday and Saturday typically when politicians dump news that they’re embarassed about?

I’ll see your pair of overcompensating tough guys who think denim can thwart gaydar, and raise you a multimillionaire who came dressed like a wino because it’s essential to his fake hillbilly brand.

WoW’s demon hunters are elves who eat demons to gain the demons’ strength. Like a cannibal Batman.

Does the winning celebrity get an offer to come in and record some voice acting? Does Busey taunt you and call you a “butthorn” while you chase him?

Clinton supporters have wished Sanders would fall into a black hole for months. Why would they want him to involve himself in the process by endorsing anyone now? You want him to shut up and go away, unless he can be exploited to your candidate’s benefit. Maybe he won’t allow his good name to be used to herd liberal…

The Tsingtao I’ve had was a rice beer. It was good, if you like a light, sweet, crisp beer. I’d rather drink that than any domestic pale ale I’ve tried.

I suggest a compromise, where we put Tubman on the 20 because she was a real American hero, and remove Jackson because he was a complete piece of shit. There, no identity politics for the conservatives to get upset about.

The 5.56mm NATO rounds that the AR-15 fires look small, but they have a huge powder charge for the tiny anount of mass they propel. They’re intended to tumble end over end like saw blades inside the enemy after they hit bone.

Vampire Jesus gave his blood for you.

How do people who wasted their 2000 vote on Gote when they could have voted for Nader live with themselves?

The “Well Played” spam at the end of the match slew me.

When I was enlisted, I worked in my Battalion’s personnel office, where the paperwork is done up when somebody goes AWOL. I don’t recall an instance when we had to write up a sheet on a deserter who was actually pending charges for other criminal conduct, but it was always my impression that the guys who go AWOL…

Cruz looks to me like a big, rubbery, inflated thing that’s slowly deflating out of a pinhole. I can’t look at a still picture or a video with the audio turned off without hearing the high pitched squeal of the escaping air.