Congratulations to Drew on starting his own league. Cue the Chopped dancing gif.

Aaaand it’s gone.

Aaaand it’s gone.

Aaaaandit’sgone.jpg

Aaaaandit’sgone.jpg

Republican politicians across the country are writing messages to Morris to thank her for making them aware of this wonderful phrase and does she mind if they use it in the near future.

“Your honor, of the three kids under my ward, two are well-taken care of. That comes to a .667 batting average, which in MLB would be an astounding batting record. The defense rests.”

I’d rather have a forward-counting clock indicating how many years the South hasn’t risen again in (152.2 and counting)

Do you need a Prime membership to get the inevitable sexual assault?

This is bullshit. Nobody in Florida walks 15 minutes anywhere.

All this first time stuff makes me sad lol

All this first time stuff makes me sad lol

It is impossible to honestly defend/support Conderate monuments without acknowledging their foundation in racism. Sure, you can say it’s about heritage/southern pride - but that heritage is a racist one...

I’d like to add that in addition to remaining comfortably seated while you wait, you should also loudly mock the standing idiots with rhetorical questions like “where the fuck do these people think they’re going?” and “why the fuck are you getting your shit out of the overhead already?” and “do you think they moved…

I can barely read a menu in public. If I tried to write in public, I’d end up being committed in short order.

More twists than an M. Night Shymalan film.

who the fuck goes after a no kill dog shelter?

My folks have adopted two dogs from some renowned ranch for rescue pooches. They are as on-point as possible regarding everything. I recall the comprehensive background information they had on one dog was “he was owned by a real dick before we got him,” and for the other it was “we don’t know much, and none of it is…

A friend of mine described her as a “bag of milk”. It was spot on.

Someone take this out of the greys, what a journey +1

Apparently, she’s ugly on the inside too

Yeah, another writer who made one good thing (and is basically a lock to never do it again - or never do anything different anyways) because they can only write about themselves.

I LOVE LENA DUNHAM. There, I said it.