Well, how about that. I’m trendy.

I tried so, so hard to get this point across to one of my brothers. He was determined to apply for SS as soon as he turned 62 last year. He’s been a poster boy for the gig economy for years, driving around delivering things and running his car into the ground while waiting for his big break as an actor. I got him to…

My parents took me to get a polio shot when I was 5 (and polio shots were new). They told me where we were going and why. And I cried all the way there because I did not want to get a shot. That was 63 years ago and I still remember it.

Isaac Asimov:  “Buy Jupiter.”

Our food rule was simple. You must eat one honest bite. You may not spit the food out, make rude noises or complain. If you do not like the food after one honest bite you do not have to finish it, but you’re responsible for getting your own alternate meal.

I had to stand on my own feet pretty much from day one, because my parents had absolutely no connection to the world I lived in. I figured stuff out for myself because I knew my parents would be helpless.

We ended up owing less this year than last year, but I’m sure that’s due to our hiring an enrolled-agent accountant this year.

My parents were much stricter with me than with my brothers. I think this has a lot to do with my being the oldest AND the only girl. My dad came from an extremely boy-centric family, for one thing. Even though he had an older and a younger sister, females really didn’t figure into his world view very much.

My mom played favorites. Whoever was the youngest was the favorite, and this extended right on into the grandchild generation. So each newer child got all the attention.

When I was a kid I was terrible about brushing my teeth, and I had a lot of cavities. Our dentist would schedule me for the fillings and he would say “If you want novocaine, come 15 minutes early.” I would dutifully convey this to my mother, who made a lifetime career out of being late. And so I would always be…

Ford pickup trucks are overhyped, too.

It’s a lot easier to save at least one of every year’s school pictures and put them all in a multi-frame after you’ve got the senior picture in hand.

Clean water and air? You’re joking, right? Look up the dates for Love Canal and the Cuyahoga river catching fire, just for starters.

I never watched any of those shows, but the Bones finale sure threw the entire series worth of good writing in the trash. Also Downton Abbey tried way too hard to have everyone live happily ever after.

I have tried for 40+ years to persuade my husband to do checklists. At least he’s retired from his career in broadcast engineering now so I no longer get phone calls that he had to go back for something on his way home. Or something blew up, or something didn’t work right, etc etc etc etc etc.

The last time the Republicans trumpeted a “tax cut” it was the same thing, a withholding cut. People thought they were getting more money. Then comes the big reveal: They have to give it all back to the IRS.

The foreskin keeps the pee from going straight up and into a parent’s face. It doesn’t stop it from coming out. It just comes out as a dribble rather than as a surprise forceful spray.

Yeah, it actually does work that way.

Yeah, no surprise. I had to work with a MS middle manager years ago and he was one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever encountered in my life.

Middle of the week, middle of November. That was our prime Disney-visit time.