He really thinks we’ll believe anything he says about a book he can’t and won’t read? What a sucker. Just like his “base.”

Oh look, he’s trotted out Reagan’s fantasy “welfare queen” in a new dress. I’m sure the people who work their butts off at WalMart already will be thrilled to hear they’ve got to take on more jobs.

Golly, I missed where I said a fraction of a second, and I stand by my statement that you don’t have children and have no idea what a small child can do in a short period of time.

I’m sure you’re right about the air circulation. This house was built in 1930 and has leaky windows and uneven floors.

There was no “let” about it. He climbed up. I was in the process of removing him from the table when he kicked the ketchup.

That’s because it’s my way of transliterating a Bronx Cheer, a phrase you can look up.

And when your cat knocks over the plant you can sweep the whole floor while you’re sweeping up all the dirt and plant bits.

People keep assuming that some of my grandmother’s early books are public domain. They’re not. She renewed the copyrights at the appropriate time.

Grimm’s fairy tales are grim indeed. Check out The Girl Who Trod On A Loaf.

Doesn’t work if the other person is a hoarder.

We have four cats. They produce self-replicating balls of cat fluff in the hallway (aka feline dust bunnies). It drives me nuts to see those damn balls of cat fluff keep appearing in the same spots multiple times each day and I keep scooping them up and disposing of them.

My husband is extremely anti-soaking. He would rather stand there and scrub away with the full force of his arm for half an hour to get stuff off the dishes and pans. He would rather take soaking dishes out of the dishpan and set them on the counter to get dry and ten times harder to wash.

So should we have the Dallas Wetbacks, the Detroit Polacks, the San Francisco Chinks, the New York Yids, the Mississipi Crackers and the New Jersey Wops?

I’ve always liked this one better.

My husband’s parents didn’t even think to have his severely crooked teeth straightened, and after we were married we didn’t have the money for an orthodontist for him (when we did have it, we spent it getting the kids’ teeth fixed) so by the time my husband finally got braces it turned out to be too late.

Get 4 or 5 people and a 60s era VW Bug. Drive the front wheels across the counter. Pick up the back end of the car and walk it across, making sure not to walk on the counter. Wooo, it just counted half a car.

Also, don’t be afraid to make noise while the kidlets are sleeping. The womb is a surprisingly noisy place. They’re used to noise. If you make their new environment too quiet, then they’ll have trouble sleeping through everything.

The easiest and safest way to bathe a baby (at home) is to put a few inches of warm water in the bathtub, then have one parent disrobe and get in and have the other parent hand them the naked baby. Sit cross-legged with the baby on your lap and gently bathe away. Then hand the baby back out of the tub when you’re done.

I told my mom that the next time a bill collector called me, I would tell them where to find her.