I'm definitely thinking a surprise Douglas cameo is how they get round having Age of Ultron come before Ant-Man.

Mortensen would be brilliant, but I have this feeling that, now he's done with The Lord of the Rings, he doesn't want to do any more "one for my kids" movies. Spanish-language films, Patricia Highsmith and Cormac McCarthy adaptations and mesmerisingly unpleasant David Cronenberg films are the order of the day chez…

It's strange to look back on movies like Edward Scissorhands and Dead Man and realise that, once upon a time, Johnny Depp was your go-to guy for subtle portraits of shy, melancholy outsiders. He's definitely got range, even if he's not using it.

James Doohan Rising sounds like the least appetising celebrity sex tape since Fred Durst's.

Whereas "bitches be nagging, amirite?" is the cutting edge of humour?

Aw, Drew. Make all the books of heart-shaped objects you want, just promise me you'll direct another film.

It was Peter Cap-owl-di.

Can we make Unimpressed Martin Scorsese into a meme? It's like Grumpy Cat with auteur credibility!

Montauk Monster's Monster Cock made me howl (and I'm less drunk than I seem on the internet) but I feel we're moving on from cryptozoology too early. Let's brainstorm here:

Yup, that's a prime specimen of the master race right there.

Ha, so it was basically the end of the drugs episode of Brass Eye?

Of course she is! By even questioning that, you have demonstrated that you may have been fooled by the rocks that she's got.

I am ashamed to say that fat combover Christian Bale was a "yeah, still would" moment for me. Jeremy Renner just made me wonder if he gave Little Richard his hair back at the end of the movie.

Exactly! It wasn't until I read the reviews that I realised Lena Dunham was meant to be "fat and ugly and championing non-traditional body types, so well done you fat uggo!" She just looked normal to me, so I assumed her nudity was meant to be representative of her immense narcissism, a conclusion which the rest of…

Given what their casting sheets looked like when they started off, I really doubt they had colour-blind auditions for the central four characters.

I had to Google that: for a brief, wonderful moment, I thought Cuccinelli had tried, inexplicably, to pick a fight with the director of Heat and Manhunter. You'd lose, Cooch. He'd sic Crockett and Tubbs on you.

There's bound to be potential for mix-up when "If you love someone, let them go" is both your go-to dating advice and your preferred parenting method.

Oh god the level of overprivileged fashion-industry try-hard on that tour will be like an atom bomb.

I'd have thought if anyone's life contained enough people to shoulder blame, it would be Mia Farrow's.

Thinking about it, I've never seen Oscar Isaacs in a sympathetic role. Though I can forgive his character in Robin Hood because he was the only thing giving a jolt of energy to that insanely boring film.