You have to give the squirrels some credit - they are amazingly persistent - and quite smart.   And they are pretty darn cute - but as cute as the squirrels are - chipmunks are just impossibly cute.

My brother and I will take turns slipping the waiter our cards before the bill is even presented.

Intersectionality isn’t about using the resources of a colonized group to save the colonizers from the consequences of their decisions.

Weird how cops are so good at bringing in these heavily armed and outfitted white supremacist killers alive but can’t seem to get George Floyd or Eric Garner in the back of a squad car without oopsie doopsie murdering them

Yes, but do i use a regular laser, or frickin’ laser?

When Gaetz says he doesn’t like “over-educated” women, he just means he doesn’t date women who’ve graduated middle school.

Now the religious freaks in my family won’t have to travel to El Salvador to minister to third world residents. They can do it here! 

Leave that poor Ukrainian grandmother alone, she’s had a rough couple of months!

I was watching a YouTube channel about coffee, and the host was “restoring a thrift store espresso machine that is almost 20 years old!”

Right, so the “nobody is talking about it” and “crashed” are purestrain horseshit, so the question stands.  

I was going to write a snarky comment but I just realized that I don’t have any to give for this guy... never have, come to think of it.

Chicken Really Tasty? LOL

Who cares that law is bullshit, likely unconstitutional and there should be some group itching to take this shit to court.

I get your point, but I would argue they won’t exactly do anything to get that kid born. None of these laws ever seems to mention the fathers who helped create these fetuses. They don’t seem to be on the hook for any of it. No mention of helping to pay for prenatal care or child support and most definitely no mention…

Forget it, Blinky. It’s Chinatown.

Tell me more about this incest fanfic you have created.

Always used “be mindful” with mine with they were young. Still do, if I’m feeling the need to express a bit of parental vibe about a scenario or action being undertaken.

Hey, I’m down for handicap-accessible sex orgies to celebrate minority representation at the highest levels.

She did pretty well, but she failed to effectively rebut charges that she is black, so she will still struggle to get confirmed.

I swear to God if I ever came close to ted cruz I'd jam a squirrel in him.