Now-husband had a whole house-elf thing happening after I went to bed before we got engaged, and it continues to this day 16 years later. He runs the dishwasher, washes pans, puts a filled water bottle in my car for me for the next day. Not much sexier than a partner who spends time thinking, “How can I make her life…

Not petty.  Don’t date uneducated dumbasses.

My husband is the baby whisperer. They all love him and fall asleep on him. My theory is because he is always really warm and therefor like a heat rock for babies. 

Exactly! I also write full sentences with punctuation. The way people text these days drives me crazy.

I love both of you. It would be incredibly hard for me to learn to not write in complete sentences, especially since smartphones have full keyboards. 

I personally have known (not dated) many men who have basically the same first and last name. What in the ever-loving-fuckbeans were those parents thinking? 

My husband, on our first date, told a story about Thelonious Monk. And then he told a self-effacing story about telling that story to someone else.

My dog was a very good judge of character, and yes she took up a lot of my time (she was quite sick with discoid lupus and kidney failure when I was dating this guy) but she had been my partner through a lot of crap in my life. Unfortunately she passed away about a month after I started dating my now-husband, so he…

What tipped the scales and made me message my now-boyfriend on okcupid was a picture of him petting a cat. He very obviously cared about the cat, and she (the cat) was happy and peaceful looking when being touched by him, and they were sharing a moment he didn’t think would be captured on camera. I thought, if animals…

I’m probably overly formal with my text messages (I am one of those lunatics who types out full sentences with punctuation and everything)

At least he didn’t write “secksee”. 

I once broke up with a guy because he said he wouldn’t watch a foreign film I recommended to him “because he didn’t like to read movies.”

My significant others all know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I would save the cats in the fire before I saved them. That’s just reality. Get yourself out of the fire, dude. I’ve got to take care of Admiral Chicken Nugget, the greatest cat to ever live. Not being at least chill about my cat is a dealbreaker, and…

everybody’s gotta have standards.  yours are grammar-related.  stay strong.

AWWWW!

That sounds truly unbearable. I’m probably overly formal with my text messages (I am one of those lunatics who types out full sentences with punctuation and everything), but it squicks me out when someone I’m dating uses too much text speak or a ton of emojis. I really try to tamp down that judgmental part of my brain…

A guy friend of mine was on a Jewish dating site. He emailed his now wife, “Four out of five Jewish mothers approve of me.” She said, “I want to meet the fifth one. I feel like she knows what’s up.”

I stopped dating a guy because he spelled sexy... SEXCI. Spelling and grammar is important and every time I got a text from him telling me how sexci I am I wanted to vomit

I fell for a guy who took me out to look at the stars and pointed out constellations, then told me the myths behind them. Other deal sealers:

You would surprised how many deal breakers one has a divorced just-turned 60 woman. Petty or not, I have a lot though to be fair, some have always been in place, such as cowboy boots, Wrangler jeans and any beard that exceeds the actual chin. Those have lasted forty+ years. But others are less petty, i.e Republicans…