Reasons Why I Didn't See This Movie:

I'm all for more movies with strong female protagonists, but this movie looks really, really bad.

Sorry but that movie was terrible. It started out strong, but it went downhill pretty fast.

20. Along the way, Lucy explains that "sounds are music that I can understand, like fluids." I just had to get that line in. There are a dozen others nearly as bad/good.

Oh man, I hate to say this because I really, really, really want to see more movies with women and diverse points of view, but please dear god Hollywood, don't take note. I love a good action movie and generally I don't need it to make sense or be at all humanly possible or plausible (Fast and Furious, anyone?), but I…

oh god, no. no, please.

I used to work at a Chinese restaurant that set out little finger bowls with tepid water and slices of lemon on the tables. You would not believe the number of people who drank these. They were often unchanged between tables on busy nights, too.

Ricky is exactly who I thought of when I read the jalapeno story. :)

That was my reaction. It's kind of dumb that they ate it, but not safe to assume that people won't. You shouldn't ever put items that can't be consumed that close to edible food.

NSFW

In fairness to the construction workers, it seems rather unfair to place food-like substance on the salad bar that's not for eating.

I thought he said only that PBR and Schlitz were better than High Life. Doesn't necessarily mean that any of those beers are "good."

Because they're delicious?

Abita does two beers well: Turbodog and Purple Haze. I'll happily drink either. Everything else is just "eh."

Hey man you left your Bud Ice on the curb.

I'm still mad about that cereal list and have refused to join the Granola-lution.

I just made my morning coffee using all the heat generated from this scorching hot take.

Never?

I have never understood the appeal of Allen's films. Love this take down.