I have one kid, and every time I heard, “But you’re such a good mom, you should have more!” My answer was along the lines of “The reason I’m a good mom is that I know how much I can handle successfully.” That shut them up, left them feeling vaguely dissed and also like feeling dissed was their own fault. It was kind…

I think the message here for women is don’t date dudes 15+ years older than you. Or the same age as you. Or younger than you. Just, like, stop interacting with men really. I think after 5000 years of human civilization, we can declare that the experiment has failed. Nice try, good effort, but I think it’s time to…

My boyfriend is about 7 inches taller than I am. There are some things that physics says no to. 

Audrey, in an alternative-cone-of-shame.

Here’s Bella (she wasn’t supposed to be on the couch).

A thread in which we post boopable snoots:

Being mean keeps people alive. And it tends to kill the nice people around them from the stress it causes.

You used to be able to fire cops for shoplifting? You can’t even fire them today for murder.

Under Trump we are having buyer’s remorse regarding that whole revolution.

I’ve done stupid things while drinking but I have never tried to set someone on fire. Maybe I’m doing mischief wrong.

I don’t know if I’m incredibly sad or enraged. Maybe both.

People of color in this country, in this culture, tend to not matter as much as those who are white; that is the truth of America. In the Black Lives Matter movement, young black people have been shouting from the rooftops until their voices are raw and hoarse, and America hasn’t listened. But now that it’s white kids…

I feel so angry about everything, and I feel so exhausted by everything.

WELL HE CAN JUST GO TO A DIFFERENT BAKERY.

They heard “Chad” and assumed someone was talking about them.

I have a dog and I support each and every one of your rules. That is all

This is an odd scenario, I’m sure the wife was shocked

Now comes the hardest part...finding an intelligent jury that doesn’t have any racist fucks on it. Good luck with that.

I care about nothing in this dirt bag except for this bat. He’s so tiny and cute! Im sorry I have no advice to offer, but I hope he can get better.