I don’t want to know what he does when he needs to “drop the kids off at the pool” during a live tournament.

BRING BACK THE RAMEN BURGER OR WE RIOT

She has her first and last name in the wrong order, you guys! Have a crumb of mercy for her!

From the way this backwards named whiner was talking, you’d think she was put through the torture that Shelly Duvall experienced on The Shining or the sexual harassment many actress experienced under Harvey Weinstein.

OH NO! I STARRED IN A MOVIE THAT FLOPPED THAT I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO DO!

Oh boo fucking hoo. I’m sure…

The Mario movie is NOT releasing on MARch 10? Seriously, Nintendo?

Can we also sue for their false claims about “Wessonality”? After checking my dictionary AND Wikipedia, I recently discovered that it is NOT a real ingredient!

Logan Paul, a shining beacon of virtue and honesty, a scammer?

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THIS!

I’ll prefer to not eat Surf & Terf

Ditto. Is it kinda iffy? OK, sure. But both parties are ADULTS, and it’s even more iffy for Jezebel to continue to infantilizing these GROWN WOMEN by acting like these are preteen girls that Leo kidnapped from their high school and forced to become his girlfriends.

Can someone explain who this woman is and why people lined up for her grifts? I mean, at least Gwyneth Paltrow was a famous actress before she convinced bored dumb housewives to stuff jade eggs up their twats.

I can imagine that Elon - in that strange flat affectation of his - told him “YOU HAVE LESS THAN A MONTH TO FIX TWITTER. BY YOURSELF. AND NO, I DON’T KNOW SPECIFICALLY WHAT NEEDS TO BE FIXED. IF YOU NEED SUSTENANCE, FEEL FREE TO AVAIL YOURSELF OF THE WATER COOLER AND VENDING MACHINE. NOW EXCUSE ME AS I GO AND CONCIEVE…

Another album? Already? She’s dropped like 3 albums and a book of poetry since 2019. She and Taylor Swift and Drake need to slow the fuck down.

Reversible?! As if they could just pop an aborted fetus back up in there?

I HAD BUILDING FALL ON ME AND DESPITE HAVING A COLLAPSED LUNG, A BROKEN COLLARBONE, AND MY RIGHT ARM DANGLING FROM JUST A PIECE OF SINEW, I STILL SHOWED UP TO MY JOB AT THE GAP! I FOLDED JEANS LIKE A GODDAMN CHAMP THAT DAY! SO UNLESS YOU HAUL YOUR GRANDMA’S COLD, DEAD CORPSE IN FRONT OF ME AS PROOF THAT SHE DIED, I…

As a formerly obese gay man (450 for 10 years) who is now just overweight (280), let me just say, please STFU, Rich. The writer of this film explicitly said this movie was not meant to speak for all gay/fat people, only HIS OWN experience. Also, Brendan Fraser is not “thin”. But please, do tell me where all the 600 lb…

“Listen To Your Farts” is my favorite Roxette song.

Agreed on the letdown that is Skinny Hopper. Dad Bod Hopper better be back in Season 5 or we riot.

A helpful tip to the simps out there with more money than common sense: she’s still not going to touch your pee-pee.

That money could have gone to abused women who don’t have millions of dollars to help them find safe housing, or even sex workers who WOULD touch your pee-pee for just a fraction of that amount.

I’m suing Canada Dry for the appalling lack of dried Canadians in its product.

WHERE ARE THE DEHYDRATED CHUNKS OF MICHAEL J FOX AND BRYAN ADAMS THAT I WAS PROMISED?

It was heralded as a spiritual successor to Mega Man, and being one of the investors back when it was announced in 2013, I was very, very disappointed when I finally got my copy in 2016. It was just so mediocre and I hated the “you can only kill the enemy via dashing into them” mechanic so, so much.