EXACTLY. MY first thought was ‘NO ONE WILL GET MY COIN JARS!’ but like, do i melt down all the change into a big middle finger or make thousands of wishes that people never touch my goddamn change?

Sure. She COULD have done that. But ballers gonna ball.

Late to the game because we had a Halloween party and I was pretty much away from the computer until now. Here’s my middle son and my daughter dressed as Danger Mouse and Penfold. It’s been revived on the BBC and my kids just had to be them:

Awww thanks!!! We really played it up too. The baby (a girl too, so we’re all kinds of crossdressing here) was dressed as something else when my friend brought her in. After changing her into the Toby onesie I bought she came to my desk holding baby in the air and did the whole “Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you…

My favorite thing about this theory is that it would explain why cats seem so goddamned lazy. Wet think they haven’ t moved for 8 hours when really they have been on bilocation walk-about.

I have gone back and forth about submitting this because I’m still not sure what happened. I’ll try to explain it as best I can.

My personal theory is that some cats can bi-locate, especially when sleeping. Not all cats can do this (or most don’t bother), but it explains a lot of the “saw the cat on the stairs, then saw him sleeping on the couch” stories.

Oh man. I’ve been waiting all year for this, because I finally have a truly scary story to contribute. It is 100% true, and I still nearly break down in tears thinking about it.

I’m sure this will be lost to the greys, but here goes. I’ve shared details of this incident before in 2012 (or whatever year didn’t have a follow-up post), but wanted to add more details to what I remember happening.

“I Lovecraft what you’ve done with your hair”

Awwwwwwwwwwwww, I hope when my cat meets The Great Kitten in the Sky that she’ll come back and visit, but knowing her, she’d probably nip my ankles. :’)

Crap, I didn’t get to check Jezebel at lunch yesterday and I’m probably going to be stuck in the grays for forever.

Crazy! Something similar happened once to me when I was about... eight-ish, I think. That’s 4th grade, right? Anyway, we were visiting my little brother’s godparents and I both loved and feared their house. We lived in a pretty non-descript, one story 3/2/2, so this two story, stone faced monolith with what seemed to…

When i was in high school, i lived in Charleston SC, way out on Johns Island in the country. I was a sweet weirdo kind of arts kid who enjoyed such hits as being alone, Sylvia Plath, the Doors, the beach at night, dressing up like old Hollywood, and thrift store shopping. There’s all kinds of great thrift stores in…

I’m so glad it’s this time of year again! A lot of unsettling things have happened to me over the years, and I’m going to share the worst one when I have more time. This one is shorter, but still scared the shit out of me. I was hanging out in my bedroom, just sitting on my bed and messing around on the computer.…

You know why female praying mantises eat their mates after they copulate? Because they know that assholes like this exist.

Oh my god. A few years ago, I was training for a marathon, and would always do my long runs with my boyfriend on a trail north of Baltimore. He’d ride a bike while I ran. One day we didn’t get out there till late afternoon, but thought we could make it back before dark. Nope. Had about four miles left and it got dark…

You know, it’s kind of funny, but I’ve been asking men and women how much they would have to get paid to sell their used underwear and every single woman has been able to name a price. But the one guy I asked was like “Gross! No! I don’t want to be some creepy dude’s masturbation material.” My theory is that every…

I was raised Southern Baptist. We didn’t tell ghost stories around the campfire growing up. We told possession stories. And we believed in them because demons are biblical. I remember having lively debates with my friends about the biblical case for demons and how not believing in them means you don’t believe…

I don't think the joke here is that the actor is a man dressed as a woman. It would be just as funny if a woman played this role. The joke is that a mom freaked out and did very non-mom things over OJ.