she’s actually three toddlers in a trenchcoat, but sexy because they’re wearing nothing underneath

First draft:

She’s from Australia. I would fuck her. As I said she is from Australia and you have to think about what that means: she is Australian. I would, in fact, fuck her.

God the nationalism in this country is fucking ridiculous. FUCKING RIDICULOUS. And guess what? SOLDIERS AREN’T ALWAYS HEROES. Everybody can kiss my ass!

If I were dating Tom Hiddleston I would want that shit on film and on the evening news. If I were dating Taylor Swift and it made her laugh I’d wear a stupid t-shirt and make a fool of myself.

Why do you think it’s okay to put a label on someone else’s sexuality when they’re very clearly (at least) portraying the opposite label? I’m so tired of this stupid trope that every celebrity is secretly gay and bearding for the other secretly gay celebrity. It’s not new or funny or clever to keep insisting on…

I sort of think that they’re being so obnoxious about it that it must be real.

You forgot the part about how you are so beautiful that the local children called you Fromage Face.

Alex, what is Africa?

I traveled to Europe in 1993 — at the very same time as the Balkan Wars! I was in the middle of it, in France, Germany and the Netherlands, a major player in that epic struggle for freedom. If the Serbs had found me, in Paris, they would have surely paraded my head on a spike down the streets of, I dunno, Lyon? The…

I’m a postpartum doula, and I specifically work with women who suffer from PPD, as well as postpartum psychosis. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this falls into that category.

He looks like anthropomorphic chlamydia.

This is all I thought about watching this clip:

I looked at the picture for less than 5 seconds and now my hair smells like cigarette smoke and I think I have crabs.

“They’re trying to make everyone fucking gay.”

lol Go on, get your stale whiskey scented hug from Dad.

I’ve no tears for Chris Brown or his petty bs. He’s another one that’s always the victim, so when someone randomly makes you look bad, I don’t care.

is the chapter on “how to overcome obstacles” include hook up with rich men to support you?

How about not getting unnecessarily plastic surgery done at the age of 20?