Seriously though, if Ben Carson *Karate-chopped* through a huge stack of cinder blocks on national television, he could TOTALLY grab the lead in the polls.

“One really interesting thing about Ben Carson is that he was actually on the Titanic and the ship was going down, and he thought that was it! He was a dead man! But then God time travelled him into the future to save him. You’re probably like to present day? But nah I’m going to add a bunch of unnecessary details…

Then, he stabbed his would be baby-mugger on the way home from the hospital, before befriending him and asking him to be his godfather. (Allegedly.)

Ben Carson delivered himself as a baby. He even snipped his own umbilical cord. Fact.

Ooooh. For some reason I read the headline as “Ben Carson chased down and beheaded his own carjacker” and I wondered just what sort of batshit tangent his campaign was off on this time. Befriended makes more sense, sort of. I guess. I don’t know anymore. I need wine.

That’s completely fucked up.

Indeed, I mean I’ll admit I think most kids today are spoiled (and probably on my lawn, get off my lawn you darn kids) but that is overly strict and will only breed resentment. I’m with her on the iphone thing though.

True. For some reason, kids abuse the shit out of their phones, so, not being as rich as Madonna, I have a problem with giving the kid a $600 device that will inevitably be destroyed. My younger kid got my used 5, and broke the screen about 6 months later. It didn't really faze him until I replaced it with a $99…

......just a totally hypothetical scenario.

Don’t worry, Rocco, just wait until you’re 24 and you can lie in bed on a Sunday morning, eating three different types of cake for breakfast and resenting the fucked up relationship with food you have as a result of your mother’s crazy diet restrictions. Or something.

I’m a scientist, so I constantly have to convert back and forth between the metric system and freedom units.

This. A thousand times this.

I lived in Times Square for many years, and for those rare NYEs that I DID stay in the area, the best part was going up to the roof, listening to everyone doing the cheering and counting down... then taking a sip of champagne and going back into my apartment to use the bathroom JUST BECAUSE…

Advice from this New Yorker: stay home. Seriously. It’s cold and wet and gross out. For the price of cable and a working television set, you can watch the ball drop from the comfort of your own living room, in your pajamas. You can even watch it naked. You can get as drunk as you want. It’s honestly the best bargain…

Thank you! Now I can go on not using these terms, but knowing what they mean.

This just means that communist plants have fallen for the liberal climate change HOAX. DUH

It’s not going to last *anywhere NEAR* as long as she thinks it will, especially uber-torching all those karmic bridges.

[note: Anyone who talks about “tons of offers” without any imdb backup is getting “taken for a ride”/trolled by pseudo-hollywood ponzi types.]

Oh, good.

This strategy hasn't panned out for me yet, not for lack of trying.

Seriously. It’s Siberia. This is a generous program. I live way north. You bring me 4 cords of wood I’ll do whatever you want.

If women in open carry states started hanging out in front of PP as a deterrent to anti-choice people, we’d have a comprehensive gun reform package on the floor of the House tomorrow.