Just a gentle reminder here not to put your criminal activity on Facebook, unless you'd like it to serve as a testament to your absolute and shattering idiocy.

*raises hand*

Even the comment, "I will allow you to finish" exudes unconscious bias, just sayin'.

Imma let you finish. Wait, no I'm not; I have a penis.

I was prepared to say that none of these drawings encapsulate my disheveled boringness, but then I saw Haggard Art Lady. I am her, she is me.

more bon bons less standing

can you imagine the pressure you'd feel doing Vladimir Putin's plastic surgery, with the knowledge that if you fucked up, your entire family would die?

If the CIA thinks he has the flu, the one thing we can rule out is the flu.

Why do people get butt lifts? YOU CAN'T SIT DOWN FOR WEEKS.

They told us all! It's a slippery slope! They allowed the gays to have their marriages and now women are having relations with light poles and getting pregnant!!!

How would second children even be possible if that were true? I mean, when you give birth, the cervix dilates a hell of a lot...

My anti-choice mother, when I told her I would be getting a Mirena IUD: "It doesn't stop eggs from being fertilized; it just stops them from implanting!" *wrings hands* Me: "I sure as hell hope so!" I don't owe anything to any goddamn egg.

That's a fetus in the first picture, not a baby.

This is still my favorite meme, however I'm gonna have to adapt it to include
"AN IUD IS NOT A BABY".

Here's the proud papa

For reference:

Even children aren't paying Willy Moon proper respect.

D) You are a mad-biologist and it is literally a feathered boa (constrictor) who has become your pet and you want to show off "strangle-chirps" to the world. (That or you discovered the earthly manifestation of Quetzalcoatl )

Yes! I did this too, and I hadn't realized why until I read your comment.