You know how in sitcoms they want to show how the protagonists are soooo poor so they live in beautiful artsy 40000 square foot apartments with exposed brick and quirky kitchens and neat roomates? Thats where I would live - in a gorgeous vintage apartment that only poooooooooor sitcom people suffer in.

I would buy a Tesla, and a yurt I could pack into the Tesla, and pay Chris Pratt to let me hug him once because of that parks and rec episode where he gives Tom the money to start his first business and I would drive around and live in my yurt and be awesome!

Belgian waffles provide vastly inferior waffle to butter to syrup ratio, this is indisputable fact.

Belgian waffles provide vastly inferior waffle to butter to syrup ratio, this is indisputable fact.

at least it had a happy ending.

Get born into a political dynasty next time.

you are wonderful.

Protected me and my brother (and my unborn sister - surprise!) from my abusive father by leaving him. Worked herself into exhaustion raising us, I know I was especially troublesome being diagnosed bi-polar at an incredibly young age and still managing to get a degree in computer science, learn fluent German (literally…

I just want to be clear, I am making a joke not trolling. Being able to divorce yourself of a toxic parent is something that takes incredible strength to do and all the props go to those who manage to do it.

#banmothersday

I am remarkably comfortable with menstruation, why that’s just the stuff of life!

I want to take Yoganerd MD’s profile pic and make a burner account called “Ariana Grande: Well Documented Baby”.

That is all

aparently I look 50 when I’m at work but when I clean up I lose 2d20 years.

quick someone call his bluff!

Once again Janice is snubbed.

“I FLIPPED HIM OFF”

New plan!

If I dated someone and found they did not tip, that would be the end of it. Period.

Years on the wal-mart board of directors makes her hard to vote for, I need a truly pro labor candidate and I am not sure Hillary is my woman.

I am humbled by ladyparts, not for the first time, not for the last time.

Kill myself rather than fuck or marry any of those three.