Dez: Nobody likes you, and we don’t care

Only if he moves to Philly

“A better driver would have avoided that”

Who? How? By jumping OVER it? So you mean Speed FUCKING Racer? I don’t think The Mach Five is NASCAR approved

I’ll bet some of the Wingettes were on TWO knees at some point

The worst thing that ever happened at City Gardens was hiring Jon Stewart as a bartender [or maybe James Murphy as a bouncer?]

That’s Mike Rossi level Evil-[NON]Genius kinda shit right there; except this dude actually got his math right

As I’ve said before ... Judged events (figure skating, gymnastics, diving, freestyle skiing, etc.) in ANY Competition (Olympics, X Games) should be played like HORSE ... Triple toe loop ... land it: move on; fall: “H” ... Triple salchow ... land it: move on; fall: “O” and so on. That might take too long ...…

They say “Superman” but it looks more like Wonder Woman

Are we talking Net Pay or Gross Pay here? #IRSwants2know

What was Andy Warhol’s favorite part of baseball? POP-ups

That’s a reason Superman always gave Lois for not getting married & having children: he feared for her safety in childbirth

Imagine Elaine’s End Zone dance ... the NFL Celebration Rules Committee would simultaneously IMplode and EXplode

Didn’t I see this on Shark Tank? No one went in on it, if I recall

Didn’t I see this on Shark Tank? No one went in on it, if I recall

It’s not a REAL awards show without a drunk & horny Michelle Beadle

Not even Greg LeMond?

The lyrics to the Mister Softee song are below. Enjoy

I have found that a tech fabric finisher’s shirt from a 10K/half-marathon/marathon/triathlon might as well be an Invisibility Cloak when a skinny little cardio-centric shit like me wanders into the weight training area

Oprah ruined marathons: they used to be the realm of incredibly fit and slightly insane loners who would ALWAYS try to do them as fast as they possibly could and still survive

Step One: Google “Mike Rossi”

Those are 26.1's are fucking impossible to find ... 26.2's are MUCH easier