And his 5000th INT.

Where's your twin sister.

@Pete Gaines:

@IronMikeGallego: Tag Team Commentariat, only on Deadspin.

@bigredgambler: You guys are so naive. He lives "downstairs", obv.

@FiddlingWhileJimRomeBurns: Male Breast Cancer Awareness. I think we're all good being aware of the other kind.

Is that what the kids are calling stomach-pumping these days?

Please do not offer my porcelain God a peanut.

Periscopes are your friends.

"Hi, my name is A.J., and I eat figs."

The moment she hit the pavement, her bowels cut loose

@junior ghoul: The book proposal's going to my agent right now.

@tomsomething: Yeah that's the rub here. Stoopid potable water.

@MattinglysSideburns: Since now it means the Defense is Working Overtime.

@JanetRenoManchild: If you can't see the difference between this and Belicheat then I can't help you.

Nothing like Ines Sainz-inspired beer commercials.

3 FG attempts, three misses.

Stuart Varney would love a Phat tax.

The place the world keeps all the consonants they aren't currently using.

...and Scribd gets it's Carl Monday moment.