if shakira gets sued she won’t have to swear under oath, since her hips don’t lie

I MUST KILL THE QUEEN

Damn. Where’s Reggie Jackson when you need him 

God, I hope that "lock him up" chant burned its way into his insecure little facsimile of a soul and we get a torrent of rage tweets about it tomorrow. HOOK IT TO MY VEINS!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Maxipads go on cunts, so this checks out.

MLB instructed the home team to wear alternate jerseys so the president is the only obvious white national in the stadium.

How am I suppose to be hungry for a W when I’m filling up on turnovers?

if united brought in a qualified technical director and just kept woodward on the business side instead of letting him on the football side i think you could at least see a plan or progress.  they need to shed some players but i don’t think they will find many buyers for the glut of mediocre players on high wages they…

At this stage, they need to get Adam Schiff a horse…

Hell, at this point what Dems really need to do is keep writing all of it down.

Ideally by voting out DJT in one year.

After 3 weeks, Melvin Gordon tired of being a Sans Dinero Charger.

Man the steelers really got themselves a cheap very productive player.

Gravity finally gets its sweet revenge on Newton. 

Geaux Fuck Yourself

When even Gronk is smart enough to retire, it’s hard to hold a grudge against Andrew Luck

His advice: Get a federal permit to kill one of the vultures, then hang it in a tree or other spot where other vultures can see it for miles around.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”