Remember the Jalopnik audience. We will put our brownwagens on treads and roll up to Greenland

I’m thinking it contains a spinmetal, being on Earth and all.

YESSSSSSS.

I hope Patrick knows my trolling time is billable.

I tripped up so many challengers with that course on Arcade Stage 3 when I was younger. Probably still have my S15 card buried in my closet somewhere...

While you yell “I am not a number! I am a free man!”

When I am eventually forced to get one of these, because there won’t be anything else left, I want it programmed to speak to me in HAL’s voice.

Totally trying to get TheGirl™ to get an 0079 mecha tattoo tramp stamp!

This reminded me of That 70's show....

I like how when he’s walking away mom is like “Watch out for idiots”, LMAO yeah mom thanks for that! Idiot.

This mom should have hired J. Walter Weatherman.

Before Jacob started riding, his mom used to tell him “If you even THINK about getting a motorcycle, I’ll kill you myself”.

COTD

I’ll never forget my mom yelling “you’re going to spill!” as she knocked the cup from under my bottle of Sunny D-lite pouring all over the counter...

Self-Fulfilling Mom Prophecy

My mom did this to me. She didn’t like my taste in first cars, so she had my step-dad help me find a shitty example of a car I wanted, just to teach me a lesson that “first cars aren’t supposed to be fun,” or something. (keep in mind I still paid for it with my own money, but she knew I would trust my step-dad’s…

At least 4 shades of black, I got it in trade for a car that was worth about half a candy bar...

I’ll give you 55k for that gem

I may be there if I don’t go to Austin. Look for a blue Triumph motorbike.

Maybe they will work better then an iPhone?