So if you murder an 80 year old you wouldn’t have to serve any time?

That video of Josh Duhamel’s gf (I can’t be bothered to scroll back up) preening around with a ‘body positive message’ as the caption is giving me an eye twitch.

So funny because I read the dirt bag headline about JD being accidentally posted undressing and I was like, “what thirst did Eiza post now?” and boom. And yes she looks amazing but eyeroll at that caption and also fuck you, Eliza. Like, even though she looks amazing and she’s allowed to have body insecurities but come…

Yeah, I was laughing at the framing of it as a “body positive” video. Of course it’s body positive, she hits every single point on the socially constructed ideal woman list.

Honestly I think it’s just because she’s been married a few times and each time she changed her name, so it’s like, who even knows her last name anymore?

Just wanted to say that Jessica Simpson’s brand maternity clothes are the shit. They’re the only pieces I bought during my pregnancy that made me feel like a put together human woman and not an incubator whale. Definitely stocking up and giving her allllll the money for postmates next time around!

^^^TRUTH

We would all feel great in our skin if we looked like that in a bikini. The thirst there is real. 

Don’t feel bad, it’s cheaper and safer than a DUI!

“During his remarks, Severino also relayed a story about a Catholic nurse who was required to perform an abortion, which violated her religious beliefs.”

I’m 43 and I know that a lot of women my age are only able to get dates online with men who are 5 years older than them by shaving several years off of their age. Men suck so, so much.

All of this. I froze my eggs for this reason too. And now I’m almost 40 and wondering what the F I’m going to do with them. I never imagined being a single mom--I don’t have romantic notions of what it means to parent a child--but fucking dating sucks. I have met so many man-babies that I used to think at this age…

Yes, a laissez-faire attitude about my legal inability to terminate a pregnancy that would most likely kill me is certainly heartwarming and fills me with hope.

I’m so sorry, my love. If it is any consolation whatsoever, after the election, my father started saying Hillary (who he at least voted for) lost because she “didn’t talk about what she would do for white men.” My mother and I got into repeated arguments with him trying to explain that other people getting EQUAL…

My Trump-loving Father and I got into our monthly blow up yesterday about this very thing. He had the nerve to call me delusional for saying that R v. W is gonna be one of the first things our new republican overlords will go after. He told me to “get off the script” for saying this administration is coming for us…

If Donald Trump ever paid for your abortion, or if you have a related tip, now would be a great time to contact Jezebel at tips@jezebel.com

Liam/Cheryl: I still think when celebs break up they shouldn’t release statements and just go about their lives *never* commenting just to fuck with the press as they have absolute conniptions over this or that person “cheating” as they move on.

This has always figured into my lottery win fantasies. How to engineer the best way to never have to leave my property and interact with live people ever again.

KATHERINE HEIGL UPDATE: her pantry’s well-stocked. [Heavenly Days]