Trump 2020: I invented Post-its

Illinois Packers Wisconsin Cubs fans are just the absolute worst. We get it, you like a different team, we don’t need to hear how you’re a fan because your dad went to Kenosha Six Flags for a weekend once.

You can’t spell A Farted Hotel without Art of the Deal.

I would definitely buy from the Wario line.

I haven’t even read the full article; I’m just lol-ing forever at the Wario nose and mustache.

My kingdom to any reporter who can get the man to draw a clock face with hands pointing to the time.

Thank you. I’m going to start reading every Trump transcript like it’s Heather Graham and Julianne Moore having a coke fueled conversation in Boogie Nights.

It was only doll hairs.

Matt Taibbi says he is not charismatic in person and resembles a ventriloquist’s dummy.

Instead, she got beat down by Matt Lauer, who responded to her usual word soup with, “Kellyanne, that makes no sense.”

Living in a ‘factors leading to’ paragraph is terrifying.

“It’s stories like his that punctuate the ephemeral nature of the virtual worlds we play in. No matter how strong the bonds we form or how much time we invest, eventually the servers are going to go down. All we’ll have left is our memories and, if we’re lucky, the friends we made along the way.”

I had an online friend…

Harrison says it best

there’s a guy outside who says he needs to be in here

Alma mater and my hometown criminal justice system, please don’t let me down. This is a very scary individual.

My dad always said it’s not really Gatorade in there, but I had no idea.

The trial is supposed to start on Election Day? Damn, that’s bad timing for him.

Because shut up, that’s why.