I had a gingerbread house making party one Christmas, and when it ended we were all delighted with our little houses but puzzled about what to do with them, because we’re all single and couldn’t eat a whole one. So we donated them to Children’s Hospital and we all got VERY excited thank you notes. One of the guests…

Well, consent is not such a barrier if you just up and ASK, homeboy. Jesus. 

Empty? She got exactly what she wanted. My relatives are these people. Making their own decision about voting rather than voting as their ancestors have for generations is entirely foreign to them. The ONLY thing that could radicalize them was if one of the candidates actively opposed Starbucks, or Lululemon, or…

Kendall did exactly that.

You can get a Tribeca condo for $60,000? Suck it Vancouver, I’m moving to New York!

She has three puppies from the same litter, and their parent, the one with all the freckles.

That kicker is golden.

I do not get Dakota Johnson. She is so basic. Like, she’s the person you’d get for a role if you thought Sandra Bullock’s stunt double was too glamorous.

A friend of mine was her driver when she was in Vancouver on a project, and he said she was just a nice, sweet, professional Southern girl who was always ready for pick up at 5am and when she got in the car at the end of the day she’d ask where he wanted to go for dinner, and then they’d go pick up a bunch of his…

And when that failed, and you were dying, you’d probably consider at least one quackery. What do you have to lose? I’ve seen it so many times.

If you thought you were dying, you would understand.

The ashes of an adult human being occupy CONSIDERABLY more space than a teensy prescription pill bottle. I don’t see what the problem is for trace amounts, if that’s all people are bringing in. Let it just get swept up by the roomba or whatever else they use.

Is it non-Euclidean, though? What with the Antarctic attempted murder recently, I’m wondering if the stars are right.

That family is famously screwed up.

*Korean joke goes here*

Labs will literally eat anything they can get their paws on. I went out for a walk once when I was looking after a lab, and when I came back he had opened the fridge and eaten everything on the bottom two shelves including a dozen eggs and a loaf of bread.

Puppy mills are breeders. Show dogs come from breeders, and a lot of them care about ribbons more than they care about soundness.

There are so many lab/pit crosses that it’s like no lab owner EVER gets their pet neutered or spayed. Actually, they don’t. Same as pit owners, mostly.

Not all breeds have as many problems bred into them as labs or pugs. The more popular a breed, the more opportunists get in on it, and the breed quality goes down rapidly. Labs in particular are known for having problems. I have done pet-sitting for seven years full time, and I’ve never looked after a purebred lab…

Marie Kondo does not live in Canada. In fact, there are very few places in North America where you can open a bedroom window with impunity every single morning.