Keep this story away from Joba Chamberlain or he’ll spend the rest of the summer holed up in his bathtub, fully clothed and sucking his thumb while mumbling about midges.

On behalf of all dogs forced into the dog fighting rings Portis once defended,

...and featuring Oscar De La Hoya vs. Danny Bonaduce as the undercard.

Turin is once again shrouded in controversy.

+1 for fast food nihilism

Best homage to David Foster Wallace in ages.

That dude’s lack of common sense is staggering. Who the hell still pays for porn in 2017?

+Uno

I went to a Marlins game a few years ago. It gave me a fairly vivid sense of what life would be like roaming alone in a post apocalyptic world.

Saturdays are for the tools.

“Sheesh, what’s the big deal?”

Kessel’s dive was weaker than a presidential handshake.

With this comment, the Internet just paid for itself.

Mildly surprised that after kicking the man on the ground, Denayer didn’t fall to the sidewalk, dramatically cradling his own head in agony.

Getting him to commit to a pizza topping must be absolutely brutal.

The North Remembers - Metal

I think we can all agree that the worst fans ever are the goddamned Golden Knights fans, wearing their trendy Vegas hockey t-shirts and yammering away about the expansion draft. WHERE WERE THEY ALL LAST YEAR???

I’ll take “Things You Learn In Junior High” for $200, Alex.

Southern California is entirely unequipped to handle any type of rain. We get a light drizzle in San Diego and people start driving like the highways are covered with crawling babies.