Here’s my pitch: Jewell in the Rough, a comedic take where Kevin James plays Richard Jewell, now working as a bumbling security guard at Augusta National Golf Club who uncovers a plot to detonate a bomb beneath the 18th hole during The Masters!

I bet Kevin James is really pissed he missed out on this role!

or an empty chair

“I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.”

I stopped reading at “Waiting is the point of pizza”. I assume the article was effectively over at that point?