“$75m contract awarded to Yoenis Cespedes is the largest ever to a player whose name has the anagram ‘Decoy sees penis’.”

MR. MET IS BUYING ROUNDS

I agree, I hate when people say #AllLivesCanJump and don’t realize how demeaning it is to our movement, so ignorant

It would be kind of funny if all the great athletes people assume will eventually become soccer players due to football’s brutality all decide to play baseball instead.

Are you not entertained?!

Bruce Arians has balls of steel. After the questionable throws Palmer made in that game, having him do an off-hand shovel pass. Jesus.

The last 6 plays:

THE OVERTIME COIN DIDN’T FLIP!!! I don’t even...what the fuck is happening?!?!

Lean In and Punch a Bitch.

Thank you for your first day reading Deadspin then, we really appreciate it.

“Amateur”

Nice name

Psst, Cancer, you hit the wrong guy!

still not as much as he cost Rhode Island

States like California have banned the “panic” defense

Ummm... I’m more concerned about the end of the clip. “Bomb the oil”?!? WTF?!?

I follow Liverpool fairly closely, and I only knew 7....

As someone who did once have an intruder break into my home - while I was there and asleep - I can tell you from experience that there’s probably only a small chance a gun would really help you in that scenario. The criminal has all the advantage there - they know they’re breaking into your house way before you do,…

who also lied about how many people he murdered to make himself sound more “badass”

I love that because her husband was a mass murdering “patriot” she thinks her opinion should some weight.