As long as it has 4x4 mode!

I haven’t bought a football game since NFL 2K5 because Madden still hasn’t caught up to where the 2K series was for fun.

I refer to him and Mehmet Oz as “Mr.” and not “Dr.” when they entertain bullshit like this. If they’re talking actual, real medical science, they can be called doctor. Otherwise, you deserve the same level of politeness I would extend to any crazy person.

Does the fact that it was born out of an intent to deceive make it any less valid (or delicious) a day worth celebrating?

It’s like a guy walking in swinging his dick around, only he has a micropenis and hasn’t bathed in a month.

What if your beagle mix wants to sit under your elbow at all times, no matter what you’re doing?

The Louisville Raiders, playing at Papa John’s Cardinal Stadium.

Because he’s rich and white?

Please welcome the St. Louis Raiders!

Goldstein then placed his massive, beach ball-sized testes in a wheelbarrow and awkwardly trundled out of the meeting.

The best thing about Starkville, Miss. is that there are roads that lead away from it.

Watching the National League playoffs that year and witnessing him probe the backstop for holes was certainly one of the stranger moments in baseball history. Tony La Russa broke him by surprise starting him over Darryl Kile, and he never got his head back together.

And Prescott already has a DUI, so he certainly looks like a Cowboy.

Mechanics are too good for that to be Football Baseball Jesus.

I’m not sure any of those contain actual juice.

Perhaps they should just move Rick Ankiel Jr. to the outfield now and save him some embarrassment.

Or we can just call it the “Used To Be Relevant Bowl” and move on.

If she puts on weight, she’ll become Roly Poly Haleigh Bailey.

The last timed mile I ran was more than 15 years ago, and I barely cracked 12:00. I’ve had a knee surgery and added a bunch of weight since then. How do I make myself start running when it seems like the least appealing thing in the world?

Never said he should sue ESPN for violating HIPAA. Pointing out that medical records are worthy of privacy rights, unlike grainy videos of the “star” of “Thunder In Paradise” and his buddy’s wife.