I never post so I don’t know if anyone will see this but, a few weeks ago, I came home to this. That is not my hand.

That is creepy. Any time one of my pets stops what it’s doing to stare off into space, I immediately think GHOST!

It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeeeeaaaaarrrrr.... (by which I mean the time I read these until I am too terrified to cross my living room to the bathroom)

Dude told me the podcasts I listened to were too mainstream for him.

Great. Spring rolls around and I get a call from Taylor.

If you ever find yourself traveling on I (the) 5 near Redding CA and see a 10 year old boy picking up garbage with the chain gang on the side of the road just know he knows what he did and things are dark now but he’ll be better for it on the other side.

When my Brother and I were kids (6 and 10, respectively), my parents decided to tell us that we were going to be making a 12 hour round trip to Vermont and back to buy a hand-made quilt. Being 6 and 10, the thought of being in a car for 12 hours to buy a fucking quilt sounded like absolute torture to us. And oh my…

Couple of tricks to get someone to move their car when it’s parked outside of your home everyday.

Hi! Dan from Deadspin here. I have some information to add so the Jezebel commenters can make an informed decision.

I know. On OKC that was always an immediate turn off for me. This seems like a well intentioned change with negative consequences. Although maybe it helps prevent gun lovers from reproducing.

I don’t know, allowing people to post pictures with their guns seems like a good way to quickly weed out the people I never, ever, ever, want to go with on a date.

Heads up: I will consider blocking anyone whose response to this is anything resembling “I DON’T GET IT I’M OLD”

I was a meth user for quite some time and thank GOD I never picked at my face. I know that sounds shallow but man, that screams meth like no other.

He just like. Looks like he would be good at seeyyykks.

I feel like we need info on whether these are children or adults, because (for the most part) most of these are only funny if they are adults.

I posted this year as well.

God men are such fragile pussies.

I keep singing it to myself trying to make, “and theeeen,” work. I don’t like this.

Here’s my special lil lady, Chirripa. All 8.5 pounds of pure miniature Dachshund power.

Last but not least, Cole