I came for Al, and stayed for Willie and Tamron.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

Ah. After the last the last couple of weeks, these stories are sooooo satisfying. This:

I thought the same thing! But I did find this.

No shit, heck if the cops can charge you with assault for spitting on them, it should definitely be cause to kick someone out of a business and ban them for life. I think “When she was told we didn’t have the full menu after 2 pm, she spat on my daughter.” would be plenty of reason for why she was banned for any sane…

I watched from the corner as Sara took them their wine glasses. And I watch as she tottered over with a large, fruit-filled pitcher of sangria. And I watched as she lifted the pitcher high over the wretched woman’s head...and dumped it all over her.

I was on an Honor Guard team in my first assignment in the early 2000s. At the time I was serving in the detail we were stationed in Florida, but we handled funerals for the veteran population for a few hours all around in between the bases/posts. The first funeral I had been was an active duty funeral, gut wrenching,…

My family originates from Irish peasant stock, which contributes to a somewhat no-nonsense attitude to death. When I was about six, my grandfather died in Ireland. Far-flung sons, daughters and their families gathered for the funeral.

So this is nowhere near as odd as some in here, but here goes. My grandmother died in 2009, 2 months after my youngest daughter was born. My little sister had just had her first, my oldest nephewnephew, at the same time. We grew up going to a very old, and very serious, country church full of very old, serious…

So, this story is about my shitty, now-estranged, asshole of a dad and his piss-poor behavior at my brother’s (his son’s) funeral.

This is kinda triggering for me, bc we are almost at the 30-year mark. It’s probably not funny, or strange, but it will be cathartic to write.

When my son passed away, he was 14 months old and a friend had brought his young daughter up from KY for the funeral. It was late January and she had never seen snow so she started doing snow angels and playing in the snow at the cemetery. The other kids who were there were looking at their parents for the same…

The guitarist from my old band died quite unexpectedly at a youngish age after a long battle with what we could only assume was a bad combo of Tourette’s syndrome and Aspergers and an accidental toxic combo of the questionable drugs he took to keep all that in check. Rather than a typical funeral for a strange and…

Unless they plan to show me a Weekend At Bernie’s-esque time, they better well fucking cremate me.

Totally. I wouldn’t even want people standing over me watching me sleep, I SURELY don’t want then doing it once I’m actually dead. For their sake and mine.

My grandma is a real bitch. Imagine Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest and throw religion into the mix. That’s my grandma. She never let my mom and aunt have friends over, and any friends they did have, she started really terrible rumors about them. She never came to visit us, didn’t come to my wedding, my cousin’s…

Freshman year of high school a girl I knew’s dad died suddenly, now we weren’t that close then, but we’d been really good friends in elementary school, so my mom decided our family should go to the funeral to show our support and all that jazz. Now, in the eyes of the law her parents had been divorced for about a…

Tortas are better than everything.

I lost my uterus (I like to say “misplaced” b/c it gets good looks from people) a while back, and it’s a sucky thing to go through. Since I’m sure Kim K is scouring the Jez comments for advice, wink, here are some good things to focus on:
1. You’ll never have to buy tampons again, and you can re-purpose your existing…

Hey, if you don’t think gay people should be allowed to get married, fine. That’s your opinion (it’s wrong, and yes opinions can be wrong) but can’t you just have that opinion and keep it to yourself? Don’t infringe on peoples basic human rights, ones opinion does not trump countless others freedoms as a human being.…