If there’s health insurance, he’ll do it. Allegedly, that’s why he signed on to do Sharknado-health insurance for his fam. 

Can we also list that the Grapple is a nightmare fruit born from eldtritch nightmares?

Ha! We lived in a house where we usually came in the back door. The front door was where the doorbell was. Our dog was smart enough to know doorbell=visitor, but dumb enough that every. single. time. he ran to the back door, which gave us the opportunity to beat whoever rang the doorbell senseless for ignoring our…

Did she get it confused with melatonin and was trying to tell you how tired she was?

This is an alleged story but given how dumb people can be I’ve always believe it:

Kings Hawaiian rolls are super addictive but they also go stale really fast if you’re not careful.

I was waiting for someone to mention that!

We watched an OLD sexual harassment video at Borders that literally had a manager asking someone to bend down to pick up books and then grabbing her ass.

I really need to slow down when I scroll, because I read that as “If I had Leo’s money I’d sure as fuck be fucking dinosaur bones” and I thought, damn this sight is getting kinky. 

Ride shares are super handy in/around cities, especially if I’m drinking. But in the suburbs, where I would guess the majority of car owners drive (?), it’s laughably expensive as a daily idea. I just pulled it up for shits and giggles and it would cost me $88 round trip just to get to work and back.

I’m just really glad someone else sees it too. I was starting to worry I was the only one with such a twisted view of the world.

Oh my god the corporate synergy would be amazing! And think of all the Lifetime/Hallmark stars they could use as cameos! I think a good chunk of the country would tune in to watch Tori Spelling get iced in the cold open...

My takeaway from these movies is this:

It might be regional but I had the same experience. A sloppy joe was a deli sandwich. I vaguely understood from school lunches that there was some other kind of sloppy joe that involved ground beef, but I always thought that was the wrong name.

Kate also tends more conservative because she’s the future queen, and Meghan isn’t going to ascend any higher in the hierarchy, so she has more freedom to experiment with her outfits than Kate. 

I take grad classes online and we have to submit every paper to turn it in before we submit it to the prof. 

At a thrift sale ones my kid desperately wanted what looked at first glance like plastic soldiers so we bought it. This particular thrift sale was pretty chaotic and the set was only $2 so whatever, right?

It really is. And that feeling still crops up with every text, a year later.

I mean... the whole thing is batshit but why not just enforce the boyfriend rule for the girlfriend? That’s an actual compromise. 

I wonder if it got conflated with some sort of alimony or settlement payout over a five year period. There is a stipulation in many alimony settlements that if the receiver gets married or cohabitates with a significant other the alimony can be dropped or lowered.