They used to turn down the volume on her stage mic for a reason.

Semi-related, but guys, seriously...

TOBY!!!!

He’s a total dick and I can’t wait for him to crash and burn.

Justin Bieber is the worst.

Good Lord. The bank’s software should have caught this (which the bank seems to know; thus the ‘okay, we’re gonna fix THIS right quick’) but Tesla’s software was apparently A-OK with withdrawing TWO MILLION DOLLARS?

Also, Helen has the fluty, nasal “head” voice, and Jodie has the lockjaw “throat” voice. And Jodie never had to make googoo eyes at Paul Reiser, so there's no terror and dismay in her visage.

#HelenHuntProblems

Right? It’s like the amount of times I’ve gone to starbucks and a barista has mistaken me for Jodie Foster!? And then a man in a limousine has pulled up and screamed, “we found you Jodie. That’s right. You can run but you can’t HIDE” and then shoved me into a trunk and brought me home to a strange woman who claims to…

I feel like remembering the particular spellings of celebrity names is just too much to ask. Jody, Jodie, whatever, move on.

Somewhere, Leelee Sobieski is frowning at her Starbucks cup marked “Helen”.

This is a very literal take on one of the most popular jokes from my early elementary school years...

“While I’m aware you can’t deny the inevitable process of aging, both Masini and I agree that being young and being attractive aren’t mutually exclusive.”

Listen, I’m not defending Larry.

“Amanda did not comment if her husband has made the same promise.”

Have you seen Amanda’s husband? I’d rather fuck a jug.

just the photos of her and her husband are shade enough

My brother has schizophrenia. His life has value. I could never imagine writing something like that about him. Just FYI people, stop making psycho or schizo into a slur. Stigma is a real problem and contributes to the devaluing of the lives of people who have thought disorders.