We'd get so many false positives from the dogs getting on and off the bed all day.

yeah, it’s a Maker’s Mark tan.

Seriously, John Boehner doesn’t use a bronzer—he doesn’t tan either—he is just saturated with bourbon.

he is “texting buddies” with Donald Trump

I think your judgement might be clouded by your proximity to the situation. They are absolutely 100% to blame. They let him be deathly ill for two and a half weeks before trying to take him to the hospital. There is no reason for his illness to have even reached the point where an ambulance and intubation would have…

Thinking of that poor, sick baby having that bullshit shoved down his throat hurts my heart.

Before the advent of antibiotics, arsenic was used to treat syphillis. Still, not the best option.

Pinterest, probably.

It’s such bullshit. If apple cider vinegar actually did anything about cancer, pharmaceutical companies would drive its price through the roof.

Yes, Jezebel never writes hyperbolic or sardonic headlines and they’re always 100% sincere.

Or just buy this

Question: when are Jay and Bey going to be honest about their real ages? I have no dogs in this fight.....but it blows my mind people still don’t realize Jay-Z is turning 50 soon and Bey is close to 40.

Pretty impressed at how fast you spun this story into a school underfunding issue. So: Blame #1: underfunding. Blame #2: fragile anatomies. Nowhere: the pieces of shit who beat her.

6 girls planned to beat the shit out of their classmate. This wasn’t a sad accident. This was murder.

DANCE PANT? Where the hell is the rest of it?

it goes well with this

I’m going to be Nina Garcia and say “I don’t know who this girl is. Where is she going?”

I pay extra for dented cans.