All words on dicks aside, that’s a very nice sentiment that my single self really needed to hear!

Oooh, bad kissers are THE WORST. Fine, she can have him. I’ll just have to find a label making dick pick sender of my own.

the peach emoji next to the eggplant emoji followed by the up/down arrows is the real winner

Ok, I want to date this guy.

Was once at a party and texting back and forth with this guy. He was at home and said something about using his label maker. I called him a nerd and next thing I know, he sends me a dick pick with a nice label reading “SUCK IT” on his penis. I totally showed it to everyone.

Are you my best friend? Because she has the most bizarre ability to just get sent unsolicited dick pics. Like a lot of them, randomly, from different dudes.

Here are some from my collection. I should publish a book, Kim Kardashian style:

Mr. Fox tried sexting me from work one day, and I sent this gif telling him I was hungry for his

I have a text from my husband that just says “did you steal all my boxers?” Because yes, I forgot the laundry.

Would be funny if it weren’t true

I recently received an emoji text of a finger pointing at an eggplant. Does that count?

“My ass misses you.” Yep. I sent that.

You do realize that is the Native Americans who are leading this, right? Just because there are a handful of people Dan Snyder gives box tickets to, that are not really Native American (and proven so), wearing Redskins jackets, doesn’t mean people don’t find it offensive.

Find a new way to troll. Expand your horizons. It’s your manifest destiny.

Reporter: Why do you think the name should be changed?

When pressed for comment, the mayor retreated to her bridge where she belched fireballs and threw hammers at anyone who tried to save the princess.

This scares the shit out of me. I have seen so many cases where people are exonerated for crimes they did not do only after spending 30 years in jail that it seriously scares me. This is a mild example of that, but they guy still could have spent a year in jail over something he did not do and because the arresting…

Cops are always right because they have badges. Duh.

Frustrates me how “sure” that the arresting officer was that he caught the “right guy”