Yes, and emotional abusers are incredibly smart, manipulative people. They seem to be able to come just close enough to a line they know we would recognize, but not cross it. Or switch up tactics often so that it is harder to see a clear pattern of what is happening. One moment you think you see something and the next…

Very true and accurate. One of the most damaging aspects for me was that he always said (and I ultimately believed him) that I couldn’t possibly understand the pain and suffering he had in his life and that I should be thankful he’s not worse. His dad was physically abusive, his mom emotionally abusive, then his dad…

And because he’s preying on your empathy and sense of responsibility.

Yikes. I’m glad you’ve made it out. I’m still working on that. So many times I’ve done totally uncharacteristic stuff to try and make him see me or care about my pain, like try and throw myself out of a moving car, hurt myself, or other dramatic actions that mirrored his own and made me feel so unlike myself. Almost…

I basically said this exact statement for about 7 years up until about 7 months ago. Even as I was in an abusive relationship, I looked at others and said “how sad, she’s in an abusive relationship, I would never have stayed with that guy.” It’s not just about withstanding abuse. It’s about recognizing abuse as well,…

Oh my god, same. He said he would divorce me if I ever brought up couple’s therapy again. He said I would reap the benefits of his own attempts to heal himself. Ha. Thanks, buddy.

I struggle with the “I wish he hit me” thoughts as well. It would be so much easier to show people the pain and just have them understand (not trying to trivialize physical abuse at all - just noting that emotional abuse is often covert and trivialized). Actually, I do have a tiny scar where I hurt myself during one…

Yeah, I managed to stay in an 8 year abusive relationship because of the wonderfulness of my husband. Every bad thing seemed to be obviated by how amazing he was - how charming, how funny, how smart, how romantic. That is until suddenly all those bad things that had been accumulating over so many years just…

It’s so so hard! Especially since you are toggling both the stress of being in such a relationship and also trying to maintain your daily life, and keeping up appearances. If you can, get yourself a therapist or at least a kind, non judgmental ear. Talking about it both relieves internal pressure and also makes you…

Thanks for this. As a few others have pointed out, while being funny may be part of the reason people are able to buffer abuse, another reason may be that people who are particularly imaginative, see themselves as strong individuals, and are also very empathic or caring are less likely to “give up” on a relationship.…