I love you you are my new favourite being on this planet

Pretty sure it also includes the *RIGHT TO BEAR SHARKS*!

Clearly, the original intent of the founders was the right for sharks to bear arms. Or for sharks to have bear arms? I don’t know; I’m not a Constitutional scholar.

You know, it's really hard just being a shark without all these unrealistic expectations weighing down on me because of how sharks are portrayed in the media. Sometimes I can't deal. Hence, why I ate this dick who couldn't watch where he was swimming.

As long as she’s not throwing up to maintain her girlish shark figure.

In a similar but unrelated note, I now bump into men who walk right into my path instead of moving to the side as we pass on narrow sidewalks.

I abhor murder. But if another animal is annoying the living crap out of you and your country doesn’t let you, a shark, have a gun - by all means, eat that animal.

Post-wine texted this to the ex-husband who keeps contacting me