Oh my God I've had those! Three hour college lectures with no breaks and really no opportunity to sneak out inconspicuously. I swear the reason I have such a strong pelvic floor after two kids is because of those lectures.

That reminds me of the toilet my family had when I was a teenager. My dad and my brother are extremely tall so they make ADA compliant toilets for tall people (magic!). It was a low-flow toilet and my feet would dangle in the air since I am not freakishly tall. It was amazing.

Exactly. It's not funny, it's not witty, and it's shoddily put together. 0/10 - no chance for partial credit.

In my, I'm not a doctor opinion, the reason people are more constipated now has nothing to do with posture. The reason there are perma-constipated people is because people eat diets low in soluble fiber.

Exactly. Even though I was in HS nearly a decade ago, we knew better than to pull this shit. We really only had one time where a joke left a groan. Our ski team used to put punchy little phrases on their sweatshirts. One time the captain of the team was arrested for blow and the shirts arrived the next day. Of course…

The only thing Commack is good for is it's multiplex. That's it - the rest of the place is a hot mess. Signed, a brief resident of Bellport.

the authentic ones are expensive, which is why I went with the pitching shirt instead (aside from the fact that I like him better in a pitching shirt).

Further proof that the NFL is just a money machine

I knew someone was going to say that!

Seriously, are NFL shirts that much?

Yeah, some of these things make me actually wish the porn gifs were back (but not really).

turn them into sacks for actual rice?

This makes up a little bit for the absolute shittiness of the past month in news (Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, the dude the Cardinals, ISIS, the grandpa who took out his family, etc.). I'm glad to see there are some people who give a shit.

This is the only one I would actually wear.

They had charged a woman here in SC with CDV for destruction of property. Usually, I think SC's DV laws suck (Thanks, Todd Kincannon!) but she bleached his clothes, smashed his car and electronics, and set the rest of the belongings on fire - all because a girl called for him (the girl turned out to be a teller at his…

They're like the Santorums: something goes wrong, they publicize it while saying it's God's will, and then start trying for another.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Owl is not a fan of Rod Stewart.

Something random that reflects your interests.. My first boyfriend and I went to the couple's dance dressed as Marie and Pierre Curie. We were a bunch of 13 year old dorks. For my college costume ball, I was lucky enough to the 18th century clothes my husband and I would be wearing to an event at the NYHS on campus…

Yeah I am waiting for one of the "free thinking" Fox News ladies to say something victim-blamey like "well, you assume the risk when you wear a skirt!"