Great story.

I don’t know that this article establishes clearly:

Remember when Donald was going to make us respected by the whole world? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I can see it now, Merkel will go up to Trump and extend her hand to grab him by the balls, ‘cause when you are famous, you can do that’

That’s the kind of call you see in a little league game right after the umpire comes back from an intensive weekend-long training course and wants to prove to everyone he knows all the rules now. Horrible.

Report: NFL Expected To Shorten Overtime

You look like exactly the kind of guy that would write a “well actually” comment like this.

The pain of his economic anxiety is very sharp.

- not the person who sold him the workout gear emblazoned with the SS logo.

Or, alternately, “The 8 onliest games for the Nintendo Switch”

Sad how soft modern hockey players have become.

He should’ve turned off the wipers..

“How I wrote two books no one has ever heard of or cares about then used Gizmodo in an attempt to promote them.”

Whenever I drive/am driven/ride the train past the art museum, I like to imagine it’s actually the Palace of the King of Philadelphia. Furthermore, when I’m at the museum, I pretend that I am said king, roaming my spacious halls and inspecting my art collection, enjoying the echo of my footsteps.

Alien day being on 4/26 is goddamn stupid. It should fall on the 426th day of the year, dummies.

...there was some debris on the road and the driver lost traction.

Yes, it is at least to some small degree a real indictment of his character that he’s so petty and cheap that he asks people to make fake memorabilia to sell because he doesn’t want the people paying for his game-used helmets to actually get his game-used helmets because he wants to keep them for himself. If he…

Eli’s just upset these messages were intercepted, but really he shouldn’t be surprised.

To hurt your feelings.