Could you please rewrite using 8400 more words, misused pronouns everywhere, and a poorly-connected Road Warrior reference? I miss Bill Simmons.

It is horrible, but “all its horror.”

I wasn’t looking out for you. I was calling you a dumbass. You continue to be one.

It would be worth retouching this one.

Uh, the GM wants to see you in his office, Dave.

Gotta use my throwing hand so I can pick off the hotdog vendor.

Hate to burst your double negative.

I wish I could wager somewhere on Barnwell and Lowe staying at Grantland. On the podcasts they have always kept a friendly yet respectful distance from Simmons, pushing back in places where they think he is wrong on the details. They both know very well that they are the cream of a pretty rich crop at Grantland, and…

Imagine if Jesus Christ hadn’t been murdered on the cross, but instead, being the immortal Son of God, chose to join the modern day Thunder, thenceforth faith-healing Kevin Durant’s breaky feet and subsequently spotting up for wide-open threes in the far corner, only to be passed over by Dion Waiters time and time…

two man-shaped pile of sticks and mud

That’s a 30,000-watt non-sequitur right there.

Well done, Inspector, well done.

You may indeed be right. Can you please post the spreadsheet filled with data from which you reached your conclusion? I’m sure Gizmodo would love to host that information.

I sure am glad we’re lampooning *this* possible off-field indiscretion.

I’m still not entirely clear... is there some connection between bone broth and soup? They sometimes seem similar to me.

Really, why do they all smell like that?

Which, this is the only reason “batting around” actually matters. QE fuckin D

Hmmm

Seriously, this is exactly the kind of wearable that my tween kids need—and they need wearables! Too large to lose, doesn't need pockets, *doesn't need a phone*, too junky to steal, can make phone calls, and has some random function. Someone could sell a bazillion (or 2.5 million units a year) of these.

Easy on the eyes, this stuff is.