Years ago I read this description of a candle: “That ephemeral odor of the living room a few minutes after the end of a Parisian dinner when the guests have just left.” I became obsessed — I HAD TO KNOW WHAT THAT SMELLS LIKE. (Cigarettes, right?) Anyway, in a weak moment after years of thinking about it, I ordered a hu…

“a linen lingerie bag,”

Last weekend I had a sauce incident at a nice grocery store. Two bottles of sloppy joe sauce fell out of the cart where the toddler’s legs would go (why is this still a thing? i haven’t seen a toddler in a cart in years) and smashed at my feet. The floor, my feet, legs and the cart wheels were covered in thick sweet…

In the same way solar panels take away sunshine?

Works great for me. But I guess sadly not for everyone. My aunt washed her hair with Whisk detergent...different strokes!

So, I’ve been no-poo for a year now. (It’s working fantastic for me. I know that it doesn’t work for everyone.) I had to get my hair cut a couple weeks ago, went to a new place, and told the guy that no, he couldn’t wash my hair, only rinse. He assumed that I was using Wen, because apparently some of the users make…

Last week I had a TSA agent ask me to take my hair down (was up in a twist) so she could feel around in there. Silly, but not really “profiling” unless middle aged white women are a new target group. It was just someone who felt like I could be hiding something in there. (Secrets!) And this is after I went through one…

A co-worker just told me that she’d instructed the boyfriend of her 23-year old daughter (they just moved in together) to call her, even if it’s the middle of the night, if the daughter gets into one of her “states”. When she saw the expression on my face (probably some combo of horrified and amused), she clarified:…

You know, with all the changes and consolidations and etc. around here, maybe it’s time for a Kardashian subblog? That 90% of us can ignore? And the people who WANT to read about them can get their fix all conveniently in one location? (500-days-of-I-don’t-get-this-joke can go there too, please.)

The same. For another 5-6 months. But, assuming you’re on the west side, you get Dicks Burgers! So there are compensations.

Seattle has a summertime festival which includes two weeks of neighborhood parades and events. One of the first is the Green Lake milk carton derby. That year, there were MULTIPLE “Mercer Island Bridge” entries. They all sank. On purpose? It’s hard to tell since a very high percentage do, every year.

They’re doing it to us too. I’ve already preemptively given my notice for the day it goes into effect.

Our new “next gen workspace” will have no offices, no cubes, no assigned space whatsoever. Just tables and cubbies and couches and blah blah blah. Every day we arrive and open our locker to retrieve whatever and drop off whatever, go find a space to sit (hoping you don’t end up between Corn Nut Eater and Flatulence…

One year some relatives from Kansas were visiting my family in the burbs outside Seattle, the year of the Turkey Day Storm, in their big ass RV. Power went out about an hour into the cooking of the turkey. The turkey, and the rest of the meal, were cooked in the RV kitchen or over a fire in a 50 gallon drum on the…

A client of a law firm I worked for in the 80s had to pay a judgment. He made out a check on some boxers, and submitted it with the memo line: taking it in the shorts again. This was a real thing that I personally saw, and it was accepted by the bank.

Definitely not to me, but if it were, say, $150? Which is what $10M is probably like to him? Eh.

I still look for Martha Stewart Slab Pies at Costco everytime I go there, even though it’s been 6-7 years since they existed. I would pay a very pretty penny for one of the chicken pot [slab] pies. How could you tease us so, Martha, with the food of the gods, and then take it away forever?

I went back to college late, so my group projects (business school) took place when I was pushing thirty and the rest of the group were 20 year olds. I worked full time and really had limited time for screwing around, and I could not be on campus frequently during 9-5, so when I was it infuriated me when we got…

“The Dementia Years”.

Manx kitties are the best.