He's like, a penis-head, right (in the worst possible way)? If elected he would be the ugliest president in history, just beating out Nixon? I seriously don't see how undecideds/uninformeds can look at that and want to support it. I think that was also a big part of Mit-Bot's problem, he was just profoundly un-doable.…

Re acne-prone skin. I apologize for being a no-poo weirdo, but I did this back in December, and my hair is fantastic, but also: MY SKIN CLEARED UP. I'm in my 50's and I didn't think I would ever stop breaking out, like a teenager. It was maddening. I tried everything, cheap stuff, super expensive stuff, for a long…

I have an idea for a Gawker tournament next year this time — Most Punchable Faces. This guy would be a very high seed.

My former roomie nearly got sent to Guantanamo over an empty water bottle in Phoenix, she was bringing it home to recycle (she really was). No recycling bins in the Phoenix airport OF COURSE ARIZONA. The TSA stooge promised her he'd take care of it for her, but she told him she didn't believe him.…

I just moved to a new place, and all kinds of crazy with connecting the washing machine, which is inside the house in a tiny laundry room. A terrible flood one Thursday night caused by failure of the drain hose, broken (I'm pretty sure) by the property manager who hooked it up. Cats (deeply neurotic to begin with) are…

I always fly 1st if it's possible because I'm a fatass, and a nervous flyer so I need all the vodka. However sometimes I have to fly SW, and I've found that I can create my own little 1st class section by buying two seats and bringing on three little bottles. When the flight costs $77 each way, doubling it doesn't…

Except if you're flying. In that case, carry on.

Steve Emtman, anyone? DON'T GO BACK FOR THAT FINAL YEAR.

What's brown and sticky?

Living in California and commuting on the 101, I see a LOT of lane splitting. While the laws as written might make perfect sense and lead to decreased congestion and increased safety, what I actually observe is that riders interpret it to mean there are no lanes. That the entirety of the freeway and the all the other…

McD is receiving something of value from having a band perform at its venue or bandstand or whatever. That would be, attracting consumers they can advertise to They want the band to provide that something-of-value for nothing. They want to receive FOR FREE the opportunity to advertise to an audience attracted by the…

In Jill Ireland's autobiography, she talks about how, after her pregnancy, someone from her studio measured her waist to confirm it was back down to 18 inches before they'd let her go out on publicity things. EIGHTEEN INCHES!

Marjoe, I expect, comes close? Without the testicle business, of course. I forgive him all his sins for Starcrash.

Years ago I was designated by family to give the baby shower for my niece, who was pregnant with twins. We were pretty close at the time, we lived near each other and the rest of our family was an hour away or more. Since I pretty much hated (and hate) the Shower Industrial Complex, I was gleeful about planning a…

My brother's girlfriend was a professional handler — one time she had a corgi at her house for a couple of weeks to, I dunno, bond and train. It was a perfectly nice normal-behaving dog, but we asked her to run it around the yard to show us how it was done. There was some command she gave or something, but that dog…

I think the joke of The Californians is that talking about freeways is the primary and sometimes ONLY conversation these people have. And as a transplant to Southern California about a decade ago, I find it hilarious — it's disturbingly accurate. But, last night's wasn't great and went on much too long.

Kittens for you — Audrey and her idiot brother, Fabio. I had to put down my 20-year old many years ago, and I still get choked up thinking about her. Such is life!

Lisa: What a whimsical building. Who says science can't be fun?Bart: Me. I smell a museum.Homer: Yeah, good things don't end with -eum, they end with -mania, or –teria. Will there be beer?

I know people are going to hate this episode. It was very staged and mostly pretty badly done. But the bit where James May was imitating a particular puppet made me laugh so hard I wet 'em. Also his exasperation with the Peugeot driver. Really, from that point to the end I can't remember when I've laughed so hard at…

I'm an olde so, you know, off my lawn etc. However, I have to say, as an olde, I'm content knowing I'll die thirty years before these brain trusts. It's a fair trade for not having had to spend my 20's, 30' and 40's in a culture where this seems like a good idea to ANYONE.