John Derek HOT LIKE BURNING. All oily and nipply and bondagey.

As a human living in a capitalist economy (and incidentally, as someone working at a pharma), I can promise these idiots if a "cure for cancer" existed, there would be celebrity deathmatches to bring it to market at the earliest possible second. Half the R&D staff would be working on time travel in order to bring it…

1. Bad tipper/rude to wait staff.

A friend asked me to make her wedding cake, and said she didn't care what it was like, this was just going to be a fun party. These were not formal people — they'd been living together for years, the ceremony and reception were in their backyard, their DOG was the best man. They were both huge Star Trek fans, so I…

"Peng-oo-wins is practically chickens." — Bugs Bunny

It's Harder to Push Them Over the Line Than Pass the Dardanelles!

Ah! the "you're just jealous" defense. One of the top three bullshit defenses, along with "we're not bothering anyone" and "we're just having fun".

A friend's first-grader swallowed the class goldfish. He was OBSERVED swallowing the class goldfish. When asked by the teacher, what happened to the goldfish? His response: I forget.

I would just like to say, Mr. Warburton lives in the same suburb of LA that I do, and he is WEIRDLY present. I see him all over the place, and he's unfailingly cool to people who come up to him.

I'm pretty confident if you demonstrated the modern world to the primitive peoples of...whenever this dude thinks was the apex of human existence, they'd all jump in the time machine to come here.

I was a little kid in the 60's, and I remember the first time the local newspaper DIDN'T have a Vietnam story on the front page. I was terrified of nuclear war my entire childhood. It's definitely a different thing for the kids now, but agreed — lots of things to terrify and upset have existed for many years prior to…

I love this show. Love love love! Still watch. Michael Billington's hairy chest.

"A baby dies of whooping cough in the Palisades?" she says. "Let me tell you, everyone will be immunized. No question."

GG Cherry Noir in seltzer with lime is the best summer drink of all time. OF ALL TIME.

Chocolate goes first, vanilla second and then you throw the fucking carton away.

Super bummed, but happy you're off to bigger and better things. Next time I'm up visiting my mom, Dicks Deluxes on me?

Well, beats my usual Friday nights.

This shitty year continues to depress. Hope you're going somewhere we can continue to read your stuff!

You're gonna get some hop-ons.