"It's like there's a party in my mouth, and everyone is invited."

I bought a house in Seattle that had a hoarded-out shed in back. When I finally got around to cleaning it out, I took a bunch of not-legal-since-the-sixties cleaners and pesticides and unlabeled "stuff" to the household hazardous waste dump, including a lidless coffee can filled with some kind of black stuff. It…

I grew up in Seattle and I'm old enough to remember when Efren Herrera was the most watchable thing about that team. Last year's Superbowl was the best one ever and will be staying on my Tivo until the Mariners manage to win a World Series. So, probably forever. (PS fuck David Stern /obligatory)

Let's ask the founding fathers. I think they took some issue....

I think there may be some kind of weird metaphysical situation in that stadium. A friend of mine had her purse taken from under her seat by a guy sitting behind her — she ran after him and security grabbed him in the concourse. He tried to tell them she was his girlfriend and he had permission to have her bag, while…

If you actually read what I wrote with minimal comprehension, you'd realize that I'm saying exactly that — it seems to me that you have to get on them with consistency at an early age to stop them from learning the behavior works. But also recognizing that, as I'm not a parent, maybe my opinion doesn't actually mean…

What with all the Kinja changes over the years, aren't we kind of back to where we were originally? I mean, the sideways comments, the double-wide columns...aside from the algorithm to bring the best comments to the top (which doesn't really seem to work), and the inability to tell who's responding to who — it's back…

A while back we had a presentation from the attorneys who represented Koch, and they made a huuuuuuuuuuge deal about how THIS Koch brother wasn't one of the evil Koch brothers. Excellent lawyering, I guess — they seemed very pleased and proud of the outcome. I was filled with ennui and despair.

Catching an 8:00 a.m. from SeaTac to Boise. At the time I lived on the Kitsap Peninsula, so had to drive around since the ferries don't run that early. Get up at ass-o'clock and drive to the airport, by the time I get there the flight has been "delayed". Delayed several times. Finally get out at 11:00, on a…

A friend of mine has some challenging kids. Being a non-parent, I of course have some excellent suggestions as to how she could parent more effectively! Ahem. Anyway, she explained to me how exhausting it is to fight the battle every day with them. Kids have inexhaustible stores of energy for pushing buttons and…

There's a politician in Washington state named Reagan Dunn, for much the same reason. Puke.

I had a sales guy (Lemon Grove Toyota (San Diego)) tell me that a certified pre-owned car cost MORE than the same make/model as a new car, because of all the work they'd put into the used version. I asked him why anyone would ever buy a CPO version then? No answer. I got up and left, and he walked after me yelling at…

Jeff the God of Biscuits is now my new homeboy. Sorry, Jesus.

I'd give anything to have an office to hide in.

On the topic of sippy cups, my niece had twin boys. When they were little they had a lot of exact duplicates of things — toys, clothes etc. Once I was at their house for a meal and they were each screaming they wanted the "blue" cup. There were two blue cups. They were identical (not the case that one was damaged in…

In all jobs. I'm there right now.

Back in the Dark Ages (the 70's) I attended a Star Trek convention in Seattle — it was probably one of the very first conventions of any kind, certainly in Seattle. The organizers were great and it was a good time. But some shithead stole the (theater print) of Silent Running — this was long before the days of home…

I did Bikram very enthusiastically back in the day...until I dislocated a shoulder in one of the classes. Fun fact — you actually DO see stars flying around your head when something hurts that bad!

No regular character that I'm aware of — I think I've just been unlucky enough when I've happened to watch I've happened to see jokes like — fabulous older woman (Lucille Bluth!) wants to sleep with one of the characters and if so, she'll contribute money to his program — much hilarity at the idea of the older woman…

5. The Woman Whose Weight/Age Is a Punchline.