Is it awful of me to be relieved that you didn’t say “I have a friend who said”etcetera?

Ungrey this user, Jezebel!

And can I whine and complain about how I’ve gone through like seven burner accounts and I get followed and out of the gray and then back I go? (Mostly my fault; keep losing the burner key.) This latest kinja upgrade forced me to use a different browser, so it’s like I haven’t been commenting here for the last three…

I once had a conversation with a woman who designs book covers for a living and she told me that she takes the paper covers off her hardcovers and arranges them by the color of the underlying hardback, of which there is a very limited color spectrum. She also told me that she chose her two shelter cats purely by how…

Earth is one of the best planets in the world.

I find them insufferable. Like, no shit it’s Suck It, Trebek and her husband... We gotta be announced and dance in like Apollo Creed in Rocky? Fuck that. We had a pretty simple entrance (our names) and walked to our table and that basically signalled that everyone should sit down because FOOD! I regret nothing.

You just reminded me of my cousin’s wedding, which I didn’t attend, but heard was a hoot. She and her husband are champion swing dancers. They hired a swing band and basically built the wedding around an excuse to hold a party for their friends. The videos and pictures I have seen have been utterly charming.

Mr. Atom…

honey Take a piece of advice from an old broad that has been a bridesmaid 22 times in my life and a bride once. Grow a pair and make the wedding yours!!!!! Cousin so and so’s wedding is not memorable to any one but cousin so and so. Your wedding is yours and walking in in grace and style will be sooooo unique that…

A couple of college friends learned to foxtrot and another pair learned to rhumba, and that was rad. This one girl wanted the wedding party to dance to some Doris Day dubstep mash up. That was where I peaced out.

All I know is that, several years ago (when I was a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding), I was handed a pair of oversized sunglasses and told to dance into the Four Points by Sheraton ballroom to J Lo’s “On the Floor.”

Nobody wants to learn a shuffle ball change fan kick jazz hand combo from your cousin Tina.

Find the comment with the most stars and copy it word for word, adding a kitten or 4.

I’m confused at why people think that by posting it, I was implying we should all have sympathy for them. It’s a weird, crazy, nonsensical story that I found interesting to read; that’s the entire judgment I would attach to it.

I got no sympathy for the last story. It’s not even WTF worthy. Walk your lazy ass to the restaurant, three blocks is not a fucking Arctic expedition.

“dragons nesting in the mozzarella tub” That is some excellent prose.

I can only hope that I would answer that question by looking the asker dead in the eye and saying, “That would depend on the human being to be killed.”

I’d like to think that there is a BCO-worthy story of what went on backstage in that Pizza Hut that caused diners to wait over an hour for their pizzas. Sinkholes in the kitchen floor, tweaked-out line cooks wielding cleavers, dragons nesting in the mozzarella tub? I wanna know.

The movie theater story reminded me of one of my own. One time getting popcorn at a local multiplex, the (obviously new) teenage girl behind the counter asked me “Would you like a golden shower with that?” causing me to pause significantly before confirming that I would like some butter-like topping. While she was…

The difference between a restaurant called “Grill” and a “Grille” is few dollars more for the same food.