Patrick has been fired for not referencing the extensive real-world history of ballistas being used to kill flame-breathing magical lizards the size of 747s.

Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn’t FB back then. It was a Message board. It was pretty popular. Well, kinda. I don’t know.

No offense, but this seems pretty preposterous. You’re paying $6k each year in after tax dollars just for the office rental.

Shhhhh...

George Foreman wouldn’t have had a problem.

I will. Don’t spit fire and act like an ass if you can’t fucking take it.

I agree. You know what also needs to go? God damn thank you cards. (I know some people will hate this.)

Ban the wedding registry. Seriously. With the average age of people getting married slowly getting higher and higher and a majority of women (because that’s who the registry was originally for) have already lived on their own for a number of years anyway, wedding gifts and registries are a fucking joke for all the…

JLD said she couldn’t keep a straight face because Jerry Stiller was just absolutely nailing it. I remember seeing it on a Seinfeld clips show and Stiller played it straight the whole time. Hilarious.

Everyone goes to the same high school, but not everyone gets the same education.

Grew up in Evanston. The story behind that BK is this: Evanston didn’t want fast food restaurants, so they passed a law dictating that restaurants could not bag food for customers to take out. Figured that would keep the restaurants sit-down-only and thereby control the riff-raff that are the inevitable consequence of…

Charlotte Hornets Starter jackets were awesome.

That’s a lot of effort to tell everyone you’re going to go 8-5 and then lose in the Del Boca Vista Phase II Bowl

Goddammit why can’t Deadspin just stick to spor