I think we’re more focused on his awfulness because he isn’t hiding out in France like he did all those years he was with Vanessa and also Amber Heard, as we’ve seen of late, doesn’t go quietly like other people would in her situation.

He’s always been volatile too, but as he’s aged it’s gotten much less “sexy bad boy” much more “dude. What the fuck are you doing? You have kids now, quit acting like the rebel seventeen year old you apparently see in the mirror.”

Also, he doesn’t spend most of his time in France, so the paparazzi catches it now.

Well, I guess it’s more bad boy sexy if you can live fast, die young and leave a good-looking corpse. Like James Dean. But regarding Johnny Depp, in the words of Dan Bern, “it’s too late to crash, too late to burn, too late to die young.” Now it’s just gross.

I like to imagine this is a mid-life crisis grossness, because I feel bad for Vanessa and the kids.

His 20s were full of stories of him trashing hotel rooms, attacking random people who mildly offended him, doing ridiculously dangerous things, and intentionally self-injuring. We noticed. We just labeled him as an exciting bad boy who seemingly calmed down when he took up with Vanessa Paradis.

My guess is he's always been gross but people are more inclined to agree now his looks have faded.

It’s perfection, and exactly how I feel about his dumb hot ass. OR in other words, “Oh Ryan. Ya fine but ya simple.”

Dwayne Wayne y’all. I had the biggest crush on him dumb glasses and all.

Shame is the tool of the patriarchy.

Still would. No shame

I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms with how much of a fox I find Bill Clinton...in that picture, now, I don’t care, I would do bad things with that man.

I’m pretty sure that’s a uvula.

He is not gonna go to jail for filing a false report. He might have future visas to Brazil denied, though. That is pretty likely to happen.

I am commenting for the first time ever on a Jezebel post (even though I’m a long time reader) because I am CRYING over this paragraph:

Yep, the guys were near the Olympic village so of course the Guards would have guns on them. I am just finding this all very ironic that Americans are complaining about guns being used. If this had happened in US with a Black Brazilian he would be dead.

I was just laughing at the other swimmers being like “It was all Lochte’s idea!” Fair enough, bros, but if we’re honest, you get what you deserve when you accept Ryan Lochte as your idea man.

And I just LOVE how some are surprised that the security guards pulled their guns on four physically overwhelming and highly intoxicated foreigners who were being belligerent and vandalized their property. Isn’t this why the security guards exists in the first place?

The reaction from this story from some Americans has been a mess. The comments in last few posts about Brazil has been awful. Brazil does have a lot of problems, but calling it “3rd world shithole” and other things is just awful.

I’ve always known Ryan was dumb. Like, properly stupid. But not even in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that he could bring about a full-blown international incident based solely on the sheer intergalactic power of his stupidity.