He’ll never do it. His show is super successful, he probably renegotiated a ton of money for the second season, AND he only has to do it once a week for half the year. He’d be a fool to give that up.

I can stare at this for 2 solid minutes because my eyes have no where to rest

I beg EVERYONE! Give him a chance. His past ‘Daily Show’ appearances didn’t do him justice at all. He is VERY (VERY) funny.

I watched his special on Netflix. He wasn’t funny like my usual go to comedians but he did have an interesting perspective on how he viewed the world that made me want to watch more of him. I am curious on how he will tackle the upcoming election. It’s always eyeopening and entertaining to watch American politics…

“Homeless alcoholic jeweler bum”

ha! mine was cheap ass in the first place (well, not cheap for us, like $1500). made me feel like shit for it being “soooo expensive” the whole time we were married (which wasn’t long). gave mine to a homeless alcoholic jeweler bum who ended up making me a brand new gorgeous ring (not out of the old bits either) when…

I hope somebody in my office calls an ambulance because, at the rate I am banging my head against my desk, loss of consciousness must be imminent.

I feel like we’re being pranked rn and this is like one of those situations where your aunt mistakes an Onion article for real news.

brb, changing my handle again

If it makes you feel any better, I’m allergic to Allegra. Yes, the allergy medicine. Isn’t that the dumbest shit ever? It doesn’t even make sense but here we are.

The other day, I saw her book in a bookstore and moved it back to the fiction section.

Ugh, I hate that they’re caving to these idiots!! It just gives more ammunition to the anti-GMO, chemophobic nutjobs. They don’t see this as a PR move, but as “proof” that there was something wrong or dangerous with caramel coloring to begin with. Similar to the thimerosal in vaccines “controversy”.

You know what sucks? When I first heard about this change, I was like “ooh, okay, must try, will yum, whee!”

Can’t wait to see how smug Food Babe gets about this.

Can’t unsee.

I forgot that I shared a birthday with Madonna. Anyway, yesterday was my 29th birthday. I was born on the 9th anniversary of the death of Elvis Presley. I found out that Elvis Presley’s second and third toe were webbed on each foot, just like mine are. This can only mean one thing: I am the reincarnation of Elvis…

Well, more like three. One for the wealthy (and mostly white) upperclass. One for the white people with distinct class differences and then one for the vast majority of People of Color.