I have a vegan friend who fed his dogs a commerical vegetarian dog food. I laughed my ass off the day he called and said one of the dogs had killed a rabbit in the back yard, carried it in the house through the dog door and was in the process of eating it on his bed.

Maybe they thought Helen was too common/cliché?

For what it’s worth, a friend who has been to Lambert’s insists the rolls are so light that anyone who could injure someone with one “needs to professionally go into either baseball or murder.”

If someone says “identity system” instead of “business cards and stuff” I immediately triple my price.

sadly no! our parents were kinda like “we dont get it” and we were worried about how long it’d take for 1 truck to feed all ppl, and it wasn’t important enough to us to make a stink over, so we’re getting a real cool caterer to make us fried chicken & mac and cheese ! :)

Ugh, why do you need CHAIRS? All that matters is that you’re married at the end of the day, not that people had a place to sit! I’ve never remembered if I sat at a wedding!

Alternate reading of your alternate reading: if you want to live and participate in secular society, you need to follow the rules.

One of the weirdest questions I’ve been getting regarding my upcoming wedding is how I’m going to decorate the “bride and groom” chairs. I figured we’d just sit in the chairs everyone else is sitting in (provided by my venue), but nooooooo omg how will they know you’re the bride????

She’s been married four times. Divorce seems to be a part she skips over.

You didn’t feed her to the raptors because you were scared of her vegan superpowers, weren’t you?

Yes this.

it’s a necklace for your chair because life has lost all meaning

I’m going to make this really simple for her. I work for the government in her neighboring state of West Virginia. When I was hired for this position, I had to sign a dozen or so pieces of paper that regulate my conduct while I’m acting as a state official. For instance: I can’t have a political bumper sticker on my…

Fixed, thanks! was rage-stroking.

“Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” And they were amazed at him.”

Ok but are we not going to talk about the $181,000 “regular person” wedding featured in the back of Bride magazine this month? Because it has been making me cry/heave all week

It would be great if Christians stopped confusing their own liberty and the liberty of other people. No one cares if you’re offended, Christians.

If she has openly stated she will not issue licenses to same sex couples which is HER JOB, why hasn’t she been removed from her position? This actually seems like a pretty black/white issue, bitch won’t do her job fire her ass.

I am so fucking sick of these government hatin’ conservatives that hog government jobs. Off to the private sector with you, ya cretins!