I am really, REALLY hoping that the first one was some delightful fetish thing, and that they went and had absolutely mindblowing sex in the car right afterwards.

He doesn’t drink soda at all (none of us really do) but man, the gallons of chocolate milk, the slice after slice of the processed bread stuff, fried meat cause it’s meat and protein is OK, BOXES of sugar free ice cream bars, I just can’t.

I’m pretty sure most of these are broadcast on a radio frequency, so you can listen in your car. I mean, not that the lights aren’t awful on their own.

My father is a non-compliant diabetic, who’s been slowly fattening himself to death for about 20 years. He keeps saying that he’ll just go on dialysis and get a kidney transplant, and I always feel minorly gleeful when I’m like ‘GUESS WHAT TAKES ALL THE COMPLIANCE FOREVER!??!’

When I was about three, my grandmother was making baked potatoes, and left a few wrapped in foil on the edge of the stovetop. She told me ‘HOT’, but I was all ‘I’M THREE AND YOU DON’T TELL ME SHIT’ and picked one up.