Next on Deadspin: “Pence in High School Production of Hamlet: Somewhat Charming”

He should be lashing out at God for making him look like a human Mr. Potato Head.

Every text of Sparano’s is the kind of text someone sends when they want to avoid someone. Richie needs to learn how to take a hint. 

I wonder if after blowing through the stop sign he turned left.

If Johnny keeps sucking like this he’s going to be sent back down to the Browns.

Here’s what I really don’t get about this dumbass; he’s holding a rally in Ohio tonight for Republican candidates. How dumb do you have to be to go after one of the most currently popular Ohioans of all time right before you go there? Sure, you’re speaking to hate group members, but even among them this seems stupid…

“This is tacky” is the perfect summary of everything having to do with Trump, including the historical moment in which we live.

“...and threw a Christmas wreath on the door to the ground.”

WHY DOES JERRY JONES HATE THE TROOPS? 

To add further, their hands aren’t even on their hearts, but below on their ribs. Jesus. I said I’d just root for the players, but then Dak spoke his spineless message. The Texans owner is just as bad.

I’m a go ahead and throw this spicy take out there:  It’s not about the anthem and everybody knows it.

Anyone who thinks machine learning or “artificial intelligence” have any place in law enforcement have no fucking clue how unreliable and poorly suited this technology is.

I don’t think this is that big of a deal. Now if people are threatening his life (I’m sure somebody has by now) then that guy has gone too far. But I don’t think that by yelling “You suck” you are quite as bad as a 17 year old who shit posts the N-word. And to compare this to a person rebuilding their life after…

Exactly! Taking your megayacht on a cruise around Lake Erie is like bringing your Ferrari out for a spin around the mall parking lot.

She’s gonna’ need a bigger boat.

I also love that the town, which is on Lake Erie (the worst of the great lakes, just like ohio is the worst state in the midwest), is called Huron, to try and pretend it’s on an objectively better lake. 

If you own a $40 million yacht and have no better place to put it than fucking Ohio, you deserve anything that’s coming to you.

This. My assumption is that she likes to watch movies and he has no interest in watching anything but Good Evening Mr. President I Love You Very Much hosted by Sean Hannity.

I get the vibe she’s waiting this out and will be getting a divorce as soon as he’s not in office. 

I’d wager she’s exactly who she appears to be. A rich, miserable, colluder who doesn’t give a sh!t about anyone outside her inner circle.